Movies What I've Seen

This list may not be complete. My memory has been severely muddled by chemicals my doctor's been giving me. Stoopid doctor. Anyway, here are the movies what I've seen this summer.

• X2: X-Men United
  Fun! Nightcrawler! Kitty! Colossus! Phoenix! Whee!
  
• The Matrix Reloaded
  Not half as fun as the original. I'm rooting for the machines to wipe out stoopid ravers of Zion in the next film. Just like Star Wars, will still go see third installment in spite of moderately high suck factor of second, though I must admit SWII reached levels of suckness Matrix II could not hope to achieve.
  
• Bend It Like Beckham
  Fun! Makes soccer interesting, which I'd previously thought impossible. Likeable characters, good performances, good script. Infinitely better than My Big Fat Whiny Greek Wedding to which, for no discernable reason, this film in compared. Also, must! Have! Soundtrack!
  
• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  Go see this movie! Go! Now! Get off the computer and get your butt to a movie theater! Most fun movie I've seen all summer. Huzzah for Captain Jack Sparrow, best pirate I've ever seen! (I'm actually hoping for a sequel.)
  
• Finding Nemo
  Gorgeous, hilarious. Ellen Degeneres and Pixar created bestest character in forgetful Dory. Deservedly a shoo-in for Best Animated Feature.
  
• Johnny English
  Oh, the things I'll do for my nephew. The pain! Make it stop! Make it stop!
  
• The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
  I absolutely refuse to call it LXG.
  Did not suck even half as much as I expected it to. Actually had a great deal of fun after purposely shutting off upper-level brain functions as per Summer Movie Viewing Agreement signed with motion picture studios as child. Would recommend you read the comic instead, as my nephew now desires.
  little trooper sugar kat trivia!: second movie I've seen this summer which had a character named Nemo in it.
  
• Seabiscuit
  Very sincere film, a la Ken Burns, but fictionalizing a lot of history instead of being as accurate as humanly possible. They try very hard, but miss out on serveral opportunities to make a much more enjoyable film in ignoring the extreme lengths to which Smith goes to be taciturn, the foul-mouthed humor of Pollard, and in failing to give Seabiscuit any personality, of which he had loads in the book (Go 'Biscuit!). Tobey Maguire does fine job as Pollard, in spite of looking nothing like him and not getting much help from the script. Chris Cooper again loses himself in a role, this time in trainer Tom Smith who has far too many lines, except when he should but inexplicably disappears from the story. Beautifully filmed, merely adequately scripted (shame, since there were many ready-made lines in the book). I would recommend you read the book instead, especially since they did not put in 1) the Tijuana prostitute who can smoke cigarattes with her cunt, 2) the "mighty shit Godzilla," and 3) the scripted radio interview which Pollard fouled up. At the very least, read the book before you see the movie so you have a better idea of what's going on.

Movies I Still Have Yet To See include Spellbound (2002), Capturing The Friedmans, Whale Rider (another movie out of New Zealand!), and Winged Migration. I think that's pretty much it. Please bear in mind I live in the middle of nowhere, so the nifty foreign and independent films you guys get in the Big City, like, never get up here. sigh

Movies I'll Probably See On Cable include Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (the first sucked and this probably sucks too, but, hey, I said cable, not rental), Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (the first one was silly fun, and I kind of wanted to see this one, but not enough to pay for it myself), and 28 Days Later, which looked really good. May have to rent the latter two as only have HBO and Showtime out of the many pay channels.

Movies I Think I'll Rent will be The Eye, which looked (ack! pun!) creepy and fun, A Mighty Wind, which I never got to see in the theater, darn it, and Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, but only after seeing Spy Kids 2 (I liked the first one) and only if I get to watch it with 3-D glasses. 3-D glasses! Cheesy fun! Whee!

Booooooomeeeeer!

This story is true, and I know it's true because it was e-mailed to me by MLB.com:

Why Doesn't David Wells Own A Dog?

During a recent visit to a chic Manhattan restaurant, David Wells ordered a dessert which came in an oversized fortune cookie. When he opened it up and found his fortune, Wells discovered a special message delivered by a friend of his -- the head chef.

"The only reason David Wells does not have a dog is because he won't walk him."

Wells got quite a chuckle out of his friend's joke, though opposing teams aren't finding Wells' remarkable control so funny. At 12-3, the 40-year-old Wells is leading the Yankees' pitching staff in victories, having one of the finest seasons in his 17-year career.

The article goes on to say how "Wells has walked just six batters in 134 innings this season, an eye-popping ratio of .4 per nine innings." As my nephew S-- would say, Damn, man!

Why We Read Savage Love

Every once in a while, I click over to the a.v. club section of The Onion. First pieces read, natch, are the comics, because comics are fun!. Next, though, is always Dan Savage's love/sex advice column, "Savage Love." This week he's featuring DTMFA Q&As like this one:

For the last three and a half years, I have been in a semi-relationship with someone I met when he just got out of rehab. I stayed while he relapsed, went to prison, and went back through rehab. He's relapsed again. When I try to leave, he tells me he needs me for stability, or else he'll end up dead. I am emotionally and financially drained. Am I addicted to him, or am I just completely stupid?
Addicted To Love

You're not completely stupid, ATL, because you had the sense to ask someone to tell you to DUMP THE MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY! (DTMFA!) Trust me, the asshole won't end up dead. Like all user addict asshole bastards, your dumped motherfucker will quickly find some other fool to use and abuse. DTMFA!

Go read!

Why You Should Read Seabiscuit

It is very well written and the characters, I mean, people involved are fascinating, but mostly, you should read it because there is "a mighty shit Godzilla" in Chapter 6 and it is both marvelously destructive and horribly funny.

Stoopid Blogger

They've lost posts of mine. A whole bunch from December through, I dunno, May. Stoopid Blogger. And there are all sorts of bugs in the new version of the software which they won't permit me to complain about because I'm unemployed and cannot afford to pay them for the fancy version of Blogger and therefore do not matter. Poo-heads.

Me In A Bathing Suit

Granted, it was a one-piece, but I was wearing it, even though I refuse to wear shorts in public. Why? Because today was a perfect, perfect day and the pool water was clear and splashy. I had to. I was compelled. My nephew was splashing me, so I was going to get soaked, anyway. Splish, splash. We played basketball and frisbee and dove for targets and had splash matches. Pools rock. Except for the chlorine. Bleh. My eyes are ouchie. Burns! It burns! Auuuuugh! But it is loads of fun to play in a pool on a perfect July day. For once I don't mind not having a job this summer.

Withdrawal Pangs

Okay, so I'm sure most of my readers are sick and tired of the fuss and holler about the latest Harry Potter book. Well, phooey on the naysayers and warttongues and pooheads who stomp upon the fun that is J.K. Rowling's wizardly world. I've never looked forward to a book (or film) release like I looked forward to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. No, it's not the greatest work of fiction ever, but it is highly enjoyable and occasionally very well done indeed. While there was much that could have been edited out in HP4, I felt this book was exactly as long as it should be. There was a reason for everything in there. Okay, no details. Maybe those who haven't read it will some day, and I don't want to spoil a thing. But I'm now suffering from severe Harry Potter withdrawal. I want more to read! I want Harry Potter 6 now. Just another hundred pages. Just a little something to tide me over until it's released. Something. Just a little fix. Just a little more Weasley twins and Tonks. Something. Please?

I can't read any other fiction right now. I keep looking at the pages hoping something about wands or owls will pop up. So, I'm reading histories, like The Teammates, about four friends from the '40's-'50's Red Sox, and The Children, about the Civil Rights movement of the late fifties and sixties, and a certain book about a horse which looked like hell but could run like a demon. You see, there's no such thing as magic in the real world, so the complete lack of thestrals doesn't bother me. Too much. Still, I want to read Harry Potter 6 now. Soon. Please?

Screw The Critics

Go see Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. It's frickin' hilarious, totally worth the money. Johnny Depp is in top form as the twisted, clever, slightly bent Captain Sparrow and Orlando Bloom proves he can be considered sexy when he's not playing an elf. The chick holds her own, showing spitfire without being a completely sexless tomboy, the evil pirates are fun and creepy, and the sailing, shooting, swordplay and silly hats are exceedingly well done. I love the running joke on the male fixation upon fanciful headgear. Huzzah to Gore Verbinsky for pulling off the impossible: a good, fun pirate movie. I'm actually hoping for a sequel, lord help us. Yes, I will be getting this one on DVD. If I ever get a job.

The F@&*?!

They traded away Jason Anderson, who just had his number retired by the Staten Island Yankees (he was the first fella from the SI Yanks to make it to the big league team), to the Mets for Benitez? Okay, yeah, he's muy talented, but he blows every big save handed to him. He can't handle pressure spots, and you can't tell me the pennant race this year won't put him in pressure spots on a frequent basis. Cashman couldn't do any better than this? Seriously? Benitez? The hell?!

Driving Update

I've had two lessons so far, driving through traffic and doing turns and such. Today, my parents tried to get me to drive in traffic (to Vermont) with a clutch (my dad's car). It was all bad. All bad. Bad badness abounded. And I don't mean that Michael Jackson slang "bad," but the honest-to-goodness "bad" of "not good in even the slightest." I got out of the car and walked home. That bad.