Ha ha ha, muthafukka!

PRESS RELEASE: Science Fiction Authors Hoax Vanity Publisher

Over a holiday weekend last year, some thirty-odd science fiction writers banged out a chapter or two apiece of "Atlanta Nights," a novel about hot times in Atlanta high society. Their objective: to write a deeply awful novel to submit to PublishAmerica, a self-described "traditional publisher" located in Frederick, Maryland.

The project began after PublishAmerica posted an attack on science fiction authors at one of its websites (http://www.authorsmarket.net/). PublishAmerica claimed "As a rule of thumb, the quality bar for sci-fi and fantasy is a lot lower than for all other fiction.... [Science fiction authors] have no clue about what it is to write real-life stories, and how to find them a home." It described them as "writers who erroneously believe that SciFi, because it is set in a distant future, does not require believable storylines, or that Fantasy, because it is set in conditions that have never existed, does not need believable every-day characters."

The writers wanted to see where PublishAmerica puts its own quality bar; if the publisher really is selective, as the company claims, or if it is a vanity press that will accept almost anything, as publishing professionals assert.

"Atlanta Nights" was completed, any sign of literary competence was blue-penciled, and the resulting manuscript was submitted.

PublishAmerica accepted it.

Oh, please, please read the rest. It is so, so damned funny. There's even a link to the shitty novel. So lovely.

All is vanity

The buffalo jumped over a steel panel during the Black Hills Stock Show & Rodeo on Sunday morning, went down an alley and got into the dressing room reserved for visiting sports teams, said Brian Maliske, the civic center's general manager.

[...]

The crew conducting the Black Hills Classic Buffalo Sale decided to keep the animal locked in the dressing room for the rest of the auction. During its two hour stay, it reportedly became fascinated with the image it saw in a big mirror.

TX Teens Increased Sex After Abstinence Program

Despite taking courses emphasizing abstinence-only themes, teenagers in 29 high schools became increasingly sexually active, mirroring the overall state trends, according to the study conducted by researchers at Texas A&M University.

"We didn't see any strong indications that these programs were having an impact in the direction desired," said Dr. Buzz Pruitt, who directed the study.

The study was delivered to the Texas Department of State Health Services, which commissioned it.

The federal government is expected to spend about $130 million to fund programs advocating abstinence in 2005, despite a lack of evidence that they work, Pruitt said.

Your tax dollars at work, folks. I'd be snigering if it weren't so damned pathetic.

Unreformed tort

take the WHAT INTENTIONAL TORT ARE YOU test


and go to mewing.net. because law school made laura do this.

Best of 2004, Movies

All the octopods are doing it. Were doing it. Are. Whatever. I'm not octopody enough (few if any of the octopuses know who the heck I am), so I can't post on the OctoBlog. Hence, I'm posting my opinion here.

I didn't see a lot of movies last year.

This is because I live with my mom and far away from decent theaters. Podunk living means you don't see too many films. Of the ones I've seen, here's how I'd order them:

Best
as in, will happily see ten thousand times more and gives me goosebumps just thinking about it

The Increadibles

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I [heart] Huckabees

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
may have to see this one again to double-check on its status

There is no particular order to the films above, really. I'd say Increadibles and Sunshine share top spot.

Honorable Mention
liked a lot, but problematic or just not goosebumpy

Hellboy
boat-load of fun, unique vision, probably pissed off a lot of the comic's fans

Spiderman 2
while I enjoyed the heck out of it, I don't see picking this DVD out of the bunch whenever I'm in need of random moviness, like I do with Amélie or Lola Rennt; am pissed off by the obvious non-New Yorkness of the L-train, but get all soft and mushy at the thought of the scene where he's unmasked before the crowd

Sideways
great acting, great writing, mades me thirst for wine while in the theater, but did not blow me away; a nice, tight film

Kill Bill: Vol. 2
awesome, but I think I need to see the two films in a row to really appreciate them

Lemony Snickett's A Series of Unfortunate Events
the kids were great, the design was awesome, Carrey grated, solving one of the mysteries that early in series pissed me off

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
casting was AWFUL, scripting was leaden and left out huge chunks of necessary character developments/plot points, yet was the least disappointing of the three released so far and had more of the dark vibe of the books; nearly didn't make it on this portion of the list, and may be bumped down to the next section yet

Also saw
the also-rans of the list; I'm having trouble remembering all of these, so I may add more; please note that I didn't dislike any of these: they're just not good enough to merit placement on the lists above

Dodgeball

House of Flying Daggers
pretty pictures and cool effects do not make for a great film, but a nice one; disappointing, really; would not bother to watch again

Farenheit 9/11
yeah, i'm a liberal Democrat and card-carrying member of the ACLU, but even I can recognize ranting polemic when I see it; didn't hate it, but not in love with it; Moore's done better in the past

Shrek 2
it had Puss In Boots, whom I ADORE, and that's pretty much it

There are a bunch of films I want to see (Finding Neverland, The Long Engagement, Bad Education, The Aviator, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Alfie, Ray, Mean Girls, Anchorman,...), but I'm not sure I'll ever get to see them, especially now that the semester has started. Crossing fingers.

Holy f-!

Seriously. Just look at the list of names attached to this offering by Slate. It's ka-razy.

The Year in Culture
Neil LaBute, Lemony Snicket, Kenneth Pollack, and others on 2004's most notable cultural happenings.

Johnny Carson, 1925-2005

Mom came over when I finished my reading assignment. "Johnny Carson is dead," she said. "No," I replied. "He can't die. Johnny Carson can't die."

Well, he did: AOL News - Late-Night Legend Dies at 79.

It's not like when I heard Jim Henson died. Henson was younger and had plans he was still working on. (I'm still pissed off about Henson dying.) Carson retired ages ago. I just thought...well, Carson was slightly immortal. He's been there all my life. It's not like losing a grandfather or uncle. I'm not crying. I'm just oddly surprised. Johnny Carson wasn't supposed to die.

I guess some part of me always figured he would come back to late night again and kick Jay Leno's butt in the ratings. But now he's gone, so he can't, not just won't, and I look around at his "replacements" and think, "They aren't."

Fucking wow

Directed to this article by Neil Gaiman.

So, not only is it the cutest car on the road, and the only car I'd be willing to spend money on (I've a free Honda from my sister right now), but it's super-safe: Mini Tale: Mini Meets Tree.

Nifty!

And now for comething completely different

This, however, is not a larch.


Sorry. It's been about two months since I've made a Monty Python reference. I was going to 'splode.

Gah! Holy shit! *points at e-mail*

So, Hal gave me the nickname I'm using for this blog, along with a little help from the Angry Rabbit, and I'm thinking, "I can use that on my blog." I mean, I've used it on gag postcards. Why not here, on the internet?

Right, Kat.

There was a four(?)-issue series called "Where's it at, Sugar Kat?" back in the late nineties by a fellow named Woodrow Phoenix and ...oh, crap. I just cannot find my box with the collection of comics in it. As opposed to the graphic novels, which I cleverly packed as books and have neatly arranged on my bookshelves. Anyway, I'd picked the first issue up because of the name and my nickname and then picked up the rest 'cause it was the funny and I identified with Sugar Kat's sister (oddly enough).

Now, years and years later, I get this e-mail:

Date:Sun, 16 Jan 2005 19:19:46 +0000
Subject:So, where IS it at?
From:'woodrow phoenix' <[snip for privacy's sake]> Add to Address Book
To: [snip]


Hello there.
I have spies everywhere but they are very slow at filing their reports. As co-creator of the WHERE'S IT AT, SUGAR KAT? book I was naturally intrigued when one of them told me about your blog. So far though, no evidence that you've ever read the comic book. So is your blog-du-plume [maybe that should be 'nom-du-blog'] merely coincidence...or SOMETHING MORE?


quizzically,

W P

Now I'm feeling all guilty, 'cause, like, dude, I've read the comics, but I had the nickname beforehand and thought there wouldn't be a problem. I didn't even remember the comic, to be honest, when I started up this account (and all of my other sugarkat-related accounts). Not that I didn't like it, but...it's my nickname.... *looks confused* Is there a problem? Now I have a problem, don't I? What do I doooooooooo? (wah!) *whimper*

Oh, this is the suck. All I need: another excuse to feel guilty. Like Mom doesn't help out on that enough already.

Plus, there's the weirdness of people I don't know reading my blog with the horror of someone whose work I've liked reading this P.O.S. blog. Oh, fuck fuck fuckity fuck-fuck. I'm embarrassed and guilty.

I need chocolate.

Should I be guilty? Crap. I hate it when I get angst-ridden!

We call bullshit

From The Rude Pundit

When the Rude Pundit was an adolescent, his father died. His family, which had worked its way out of welfare, food stamps, and a very nice mobile home park, would have been crushed had it not been for one simple thing: the survivor benefits of the Social Security system. It wasn't a fuck of a lot of money, but between survivor and dependent benefits, the Rude Pundit wasn't sent off to live with creepy Uncle Marvin and his cold, cold fingertips. It was enough to pay the rent. It was enough to supplement Mama Rude's income. See, caught up in the whole debate about privatization is the fact that, really, retirement benefits only make up a portion of what Social Security pays out. In fact, between survivor and disability benefits, retirement makes up a smaller part of the SS pie than you might imagine.

Says reader David S, who was a claims rep for Social Security for 17 years, "Social Security is a social insurance system, with roughly 1/3 of payments going to the severely disabled and 1/3 going to survivors, and 1/3 going to retirees. Any disciplined fool could take the money and beat the retirement benefits today (though that wasn't true in the past), but it would take an astute person to beat the whole package. Disability coverage is freakin' expensive, and your Bushie investment plans aren't going to be much use for that." But we're not hearin' a fuck of a lot about disability and survivor benefits. Certainly not in the "Ask the White House" online chat with Special Assistant to the President on Economic Policy Chuck Blahous, who created the new mantra, "The President does not want to privatize Social Security," even though Bush does want private individuals to control where a private portion of their private Social Security is privately invested.

[...]

All that's been said in the vague doublespeak of Bush's as-yet-unannounced plan, which, no doubt, will be massive and released in the middle of the night for voting the next morning, about Social Security's survivor and disability insurance is that Bush wants to "preserve" them. But the Social Security Adminstration's website says, "Most plans, including those put forth by the President's Commission to Strengthen Social Security, do not reduce the benefits of currently disabled beneficiaries." That's "currently disabled." In other words, lose a limb now, motherfucker, or you better start shinin' your coin cups. (Why is the SSA website promoting Bush's policies? Isn't that the use of government funds for partisan political purposes?)

~*~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ET

Unfortunately, your present is in transit from the land of the rising sun.
It is childish and silly, which, hopefully, is still appropriate for a rabbit of your age and rage.
(It would be for a presweetened feline of my even more advanced senescence.)

Hope your birthday party is suitably super-awesome and filled with tasty goodness.
And maybe a equally delectable bisshonen-type man-toy wrapped in a bow, if you're so inclined.

~sugarkat

YAAAAAAAAAY!

CONGRATULATIONS, MAGGIE AND RYAN

You are super-awesome, Maggie, and I wish you and Ryan all the happiness and love and peace and prosperity and cool gadgets you can handle.

With bouncy-happy (and belated) exuberation,

sugarkat
=^_^=

OMEDETOUGOZAIMASU!

Quote of the Day

"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."

-William James

Happy Birthday, Mister Hamilton

From today's Writer's Almanac

It's the birthday of one of the founding fathers of our country, Alexander Hamilton, born in the British West Indies (1755, some sources say 1757). He's the man on the $10 bill.

He grew up on the tiny island of Nevis, where his father abandoned the family and his mother died when he was just a boy. He was taken in by a local merchant who gave him a job at a general store. He turned out to be quite good at accounting, so when he was thirteen, his boss took a trip to Europe and left young Alexander in charge of the store. He started writing on the side, and an article about a recent hurricane so impressed the adults around him that they all pitched in to pay for his passage to New York, where he could attend school.

He arrived in America just as rebellion against Great Britain was brewing, and he immediately began to write for New York newspapers in support of the colonies' rights. He impressed George Washington so much that he became Washington's right hand man when he was barely twenty-years old. After the revolution, when many American politicians believed that the colonies should remain mostly independent of each other, Hamilton was one of the earliest supporters of a strong central government.

In just three years, between 1787 and 1790, he served on the constitutional convention, wrote the majority of the Federalist Papers, (which helped garner support for the new constitution) became the first secretary of the treasury, and set up the U.S. National Bank.

While serving on Washington's cabinet, Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson became bitter enemies, and set out to undermine each other with gossip about each other's scandalous private lives. Hamilton was having an affair at the time, and there were rumors that Jefferson had had children with one of his slaves. But despite their bitter rivalry, Hamilton later spoke in favor of Jefferson as president over Aaron Burr, whom he considered a scoundrel.

Four years later, Burr challenged him to a duel. They met at sunrise in a wooded area of Weehawken, New Jersey, above the Hudson River. Hamilton showed up for the duel to prove his courage, but he purposely fired his gun straight up into the air. Burr aimed at him anyway, and Hamilton was mortally wounded and died the next day.

He hasn't been as well remembered as Washington or Jefferson, but by setting up the national treasury, the national bank, the first budgetary and tax systems, and most of all by helping gather support for the U.S. constitution, he did more to design the system of government we now live under than almost any other man.

The columnist George F. Will said, "We honor Jefferson, but live in Hamilton's country."

Alexander Hamilton wrote, "The sacred rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for among old parchments or musty records. They are written, as with a sunbeam, in the whole volume of human nature by the hand of the divinity itself and can never be erased or obscured by mortal power."

It's also William James's birthday. He was Henry James's philosopher/early psyschologist brother who wrote better than his more famous sibling. He's also the man responsible for the concept of "stream of consciousness" writing.

*whistling into the wind*

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY, MAGGIE

Sorry I didn't get to send you your present in time, but it's stuck in Japan, keeping ET's Christmas and birthday presents company.

Hope you had a groovalicious birthday....

~sugarkat
*slinks into corner*
*guilt*
*guilt*
*guilt*

Bwa-hahahahahahaha!

From Associated Press on Yahoo! News - CNN Lets 'Crossfire' Host Carlson Go:

"I guess I come down more firmly in the Jon Stewart camp," Klein told The Associated Press.

Random Whedon Quote

People who are prettier than me are not supposed to be funnier than me.

- on Nathan Fillion

Now Blogging This

As stated in a previous entry, I was considering not continuing this blog. But since Maggie asked me to do otherwise and as Maggie is cool, I've decided to post my annual Xmas Booty post to commemorate the continuation of the blogness.

whut i dun got

• From my elder sister, E-- and her little tribelet:
  THE box set: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition Collector's Gift Set)
  yee-haw!




• [edit 1/2/05] from my sister E--:
  Orlando Bloom 2004 calendar, featuring pics of him looking all snuggly in bed
  silly big sister




• from my sister E--'s two boys:
  Muppet Show: Music Mayhem & More - 25th Anniversary Collection CD




• [edit 1/2/05] from my sister E--'s eldest, J--:
  a very nasty cold
  gee, thanks, kid




• from my little brother, D--:
  Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy DVD
  Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, David Sedaris
  le yay




• from my eldest sister, J-- and her tribe en France:
  ...dunno, as whichever company she ordered it from is taking their own sweet time in getting the package to me
  
  [edit 1/2/05] Actually, it got here in plenty of time. Mom just couldn't be bothered to check with J-- who was supposed to get what. Nice, huh?
  I got a very pretty red scarf, the type you wear decoratively, not the warm kind




• from mes parents:
  ticket to go see Democracy the new play by the fellow who wrote Copenhagen...neither of which any of you know and/or give a damn about




• from friend Danielle:
  Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow ... Right! CD




• from friend Lorin:
  Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl DVD




• from friend Mitsuki-chan:
  Chinatown versions of Kerokerokeroppi wallet, coinpurse, and drawstring bag to make up for my (legit) Kerokerokeroppi wallet being stolen the week before Christmas
  ...aww, how sweet! yay!

Where's it at, Sugar Kat?

Um, nowhere, lil' bear.

I will not be making further updates to this blog until I hear from those who have been reading the blog. I'm assuming no one is at the moment, so, really, what's the point?

Anyway, I've been too busy failing my classes since Grandma's funeral to maintain this thing.

If you're actually reading and want updates, please post a comment. Or e-mail me. If not, well, there we go.