Admin 1, Executive 0

I enjoyed this little article so much, I felt the need to share it with you, my dear readers, even though it is nealy two months old.

CNN.com - Ketchup stain sparks e-mail flurry

"I apologize again for accidentally getting a few splashes of ketchup on your trousers. Obviously your financial need as a senior associate is greater than mine as a mere secretary."

She wrote that she had told various partners, lawyers and trainees about his e-mail and they had offered to "do a collection" to raise the cash.

"I however declined their kind offer but should you feel the urgent need for the £4, it will be on my desk this afternoon."

Hockey is the devil's sport

I was slowly making my way through the Sports section of Monday's New York Times when I came across the last section of sports-related headlines on the last page, in a little ghetto-for-off-season-sports-reporting box.

HOCKEY
Devils Keep 10 Players

[three paragraphs about one team which I didn't read because the following lead to a tiny paragraph about another team was in all-caps and bold]

SATAN BECOMES FREE AGENT

Honestly. I shit you not. I wish ... wait. When Mom's computer is up and running, I'll scan it in and post it here so you can see.

Mom says I should submit it to David Letterman or Jon Stewart. Somehow, I don't think they'll laugh as hard at it as I did.

Happy birthday to Harry's other mother

The Writer's Almanac - JULY 31, 2005

It's the birthday of the novelist J.K. (Joanne Kathleen) Rowling, born in Chipping Sodbury, England (1966). She's the creator of Harry Potter, who, in the first book about him, is an orphan forced to live with his aunt and uncle, Petunia and Vernon Dursley at Number Four, Privet Drive. He sleeps in a cupboard under the stairs. For the first ten years of his life, he's believed that his parents were killed in a car accident. But on his eleventh birthday, he learns that they were wizards and that they were murdered by a man named Lord Voldemort, who is trying to take over the world. The Harry Potter books follow Harry as he attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and learns how to use magic and tries to avenge his parents' death.

J.K. Rowling grew up in the suburbs of Bristol, England. She was telling stories when she was a little kid. She said, 'The first story I ever wrote down was about a rabbit called Rabbit. He got the measles and was visited by his friends ... Ever since Rabbit, I have wanted to be a writer, although I rarely told anyone so.'

She set out to be a secretary, learned French so she could get a job as a bilingual secretary, but she found that she hated office work. Instead of taking notes in meetings, she daydreamed and wrote possible names of fictional characters in the margins of her notebooks.

She was in her mid 20s when she took a four-hour trip by train across England, and the train stopped somewhere between Manchester and London. Rowling looked out at a field of cows and suddenly got the idea for a story about a boy who goes to a school for wizardry. She said, 'Harry Potter just strolled into my head fully formed.' She liked that it was a story about a boy who was powerless in the ordinary world but who gets to travel to a place where his power would be almost limitless. By the time the train trip was over, she had already invented most of the characters that would appear in the Harry Potter books.

She worked on the first one for about four years, during which time she got married, had a daughter, got divorced, and was living in Edinburgh as a single mother. She had to live on public assistance to finish the book. It came out in America in 1998, Harry Potter and the [Sorcerer'sPhilosopher's] Stone, and J.K. Rowling became one of the best-selling authors of all time.

My Day-saint: Mary Magdelene

Catholic Online - Saints & Angels - St. Mary Magdelene

If I ever go crazy and decide to go through Confirmation (next step after where I left off with First Communion), when I'd become a "real" Catholic (rather like Pinocchio became a real boy) and have to take on a new name, I'd totally take on the name Mary Magdelene.

No, Maggie, not because you are awesome, but because it would be the very last bit of my spine making show.

Dude. You heard what those gnostic-types say? w00t and hollah for Mary Magdelene!

(Ignore the bland blandness of the Catholic site. Google her. Also under Mary Magdalene. She rocked, in a Christiany, female, saint-like way, which means easy listening/"adult contemporary", but is better than the elevator music a lot of the others emit.)

Well, dagnabbit

I've just looked at my blog using Apple's Safari, and the layout is not working at all. It works just jim-dandy in IE... and (phew) Firefox, but not Safari. And I don't know why, dang it. Why? Why?

Why, Sugar Kat? It's 'cause the Internet HATES you. The whole damned thing just loathes your dumb white ass. That's why. Bitch.

Also, no one's reading this anymore. I can tell. I'm psychic that way. Yes, I'm psychic in a completely useless way. I can't tell you who's going to win the Preakness or what the outcome of the continuing wars in Afghanistan and/or Iraq will be, but I can tell no one is reading this. I'm freaking Trelawney, only with the Internet. Which hates me.

Also, I got Maggie & Ryan's invite and IT'S SOOOO PURTY! And I'm thinking, Yay! Maggie and Ryan are getting hitched! Yay! I hafta get 'em presents! Groovy, groovy presents. ...Wait. Money. Job. Crap. But, PRESENTS! They must have fantabulous presents. ...Hotel? Fuck! Hotel! Augh! But, dammit, I am going, and I'm bringing presents. I may have to drive back home at 3 in the morning (three hour drive), but, dammit, I'm going, and I'm bringing presents. I'll probably be wearing jeans, as I've nada to wear, but I'll hide behind a pillar or something. Drive. I have to get a driver's license. Me, driving. Gah. That's just freakin' terrifyin'. Clear the roads, people. Sugar Kat's behind the wheel.

But I can write all that and be fine 'cause no one's reading this so no one will know and I can freak all I want about how the hell I'm going to pay for it and no one will know. Or care, really. And there you go.

And the Internet still hates me.

"I did not know that. Did you know that? I did not know that."

The Writer's Almanac - JULY 27, 2005

It was on this day in 1940 that Bugs Bunny made his debut in a cartoon called 'A Wild Hare.' Warner Brothers' writers and animators set out to make a rabbit who would be the epitome of cool. They modeled bugs on Groucho Marx with a carrot instead of a cigar. Mel Blanc gave him a Brooklyn accent. He was a nonchalant rabbit who chewed on his carrot in the face of all of his enemies and he was famous for the line, 'What's up, doc?' which he used in that first cartoon when he met Elmer Fudd who was hunting rabbits.

As America entered World War II, Bugs Bunny became the most popular cartoon character in America, always defeating his enemies through sheer cleverness, oftentimes as a quick change artist.

*ahem*

The Writer's Almanac - JULY 26, 2005

It's the birthday of the writer Aldous Huxley, born in Surrey, England (1894), best known as the author of the novel Brave New World, about a future in which genetically engineered people take drugs to keep them happy, have sex all the time, and never fall in love.

Tasty, if time-consuming

Lemon-Flaxseed Loaf Cake

I used another tablespoon of lemon juice in the cake itself as well, which turned out quite nicely and required no extra baking time.

From "The Writer's Almanac"

The Writer's Almanac - JULY 13, 2005

It's the birthday of poet John Clare, born in Nottinghamshire, England (1793). He may be the poorest person ever to become a major writer in English literature. His father was a peasant farmer. The family often had to live off the proceeds from a single apple tree in their yard. John Clare went to the village school between the ages of five and eleven. He learned to read and write and decided he wanted to write poetry.

He had to support himself as a farm laborer. Malnutrition had stunted his growth. He was never more than five feet tall, so he couldn't do heavy work. He mostly weeded and stacked hay bales and looked after animals. He couldn't afford to buy paper, so he made his own out of birch bark and made his own ink as well. Some of his poems were written on old envelopes.

Other romantic poets such as Wordsworth and Keats were writing nature poetry, but they wrote about nature as a metaphor for something, whereas John Clare always tried to write about nature as it was, the thing itself.

His first book came out in 1820. The fact that he was a peasant helped to make the book a best-seller. But within a few years there was a bank crash, and there was a recession in England. His books sold fewer and fewer copies, and he moved back to the farm.

John Clare wrote, 'I live here among the ignorant like a lost man ... they hardly dare talk in my company for fear I should mention them in my writings.' He began to suffer from a psychiatric disorder. His behavior grew more and more erratic. He began to see things, spirits and demons. He was committed to an asylum where he forgot who he was. At some points he thought he was Lord Byron and wrote some poems in Byron's style. He escaped from the asylum at one point but was returned and lived there for the rest of his life.

John Clare wrote about 3,500 poems of which only 400 were published in his lifetime, and his great importance as an English poet has only become clear in the last few decades.

View from over there

And back to what happened. I can tell this is an event which happened far away because I have the luxury of going back to fluffy thoughts not long after hearing about the attacks on London.

Ian McEwan wrote an Op-Ed piece for The New York Times which illustrates very clearly one of hte major differences between 7/7 and 9/11: London's been brutally attacked before. Stiff uppper lip indeed.

Another difference? They were as prepared as a city can be for an attack. Can't even say that about New York now.

The Surprise We Expected - New York Times

By IAN MCEWAN
Published: July 8, 2005
copyright The New York Times Corporation

London

[...]

The police were fanning out through Bloomsbury, closing streets at both ends even as you were halfway down them. The machinery of state, a great Leviathan, certain of its authority, moved with balletic coordination. Those rehearsals for a multiple terrorist attack underground were paying off.

In fact, now the disaster was upon us, it had an air of weary inevitability, and it looked familiar, as though it happened long ago. In the drizzle and dim light, the police lines, the emergency vehicles, the silent passers-by appeared as though in an old newsreel film in black and white. The news of the successful Olympic bid was more surprising than this. How could we have forgotten that this was always going to happen?

The mood on the streets was of numb acceptance, or strange calm. People obediently shuffled this way and that, directed round road blocks by a whole new citizens' army of 'support' officials - like air raid wardens from the last war. A man in a suit pulled a fluorescent jacket out of his briefcase and began directing traffic with snappy expertise. A woman, with blood covering her face and neck, who had come from the Russell Square tube station, briskly refused offers of help and said she had to get to work. Groups gathered impassively in the road, among the gridlocked traffic, listening through open windows to car radios.

On television, the news programs were having trouble finding the images to match the awfulness of the event. But this was not, or not yet, a public spectacle like New York or Madrid. The nightmare was happening far below our feet. Everyone knew that if the force that mangled the bus in Tavistock Square was contained within the walls of a tunnel, the human cost would be high, and the rescue appallingly difficult.

Down the far end of a closed-off street we saw emergency workers being helped into breathing equipment. We could only guess at the hell to which they must descend, and no one seemed to want to talk about it.

In Auden's famous poem, 'Musée des Beaux Arts,' the tragedy of Icarus falling from the sky is accompanied by life simply refusing to be disrupted. A plowman goes about his work, a ship 'sailed calmly on,' dogs keep on with 'their doggy life.'

In London yesterday, where crowds fumbling with mobile phones tried to find unimpeded ways across the city, there was much evidence of the truth of Auden's insight. While rescue workers searched for survivors and the dead in the smoke-filled blackness below, at pavement level men were loading vans, a woman sold umbrellas in her usual patch, the lunchtime sandwich makers were hard at work.

It is unlikely that London will claim to have been transformed in an instant, to have lost its innocence in the course of a morning. It is hard to knock a huge city like this off its course. It has survived many attacks in the past.

[...]

You really should try and read the whole thing, which is well written, I think. Well, for the Op-Ed page of the Times.

Lighter-hearted fare, 'cause I'm a callous shit

Please check out the poem here: Apologies to William Blake, as English majors and those who like English and have a general awareness of pop culture might find it as amusing as I do.

I think this may be the best way to deal with all of this shit

I think perhaps I and a portion of the rest of the world shall go and sample some of these brain-blasting Bum Wines in hopes that the resulting brain damage will wipe out our ability to think on any level above that of a retarded cactus. Thinking hurts.

BWA HA HA HA HA

From metaquotes:
IF YOU DON'T HAVE GAY SEX, THE TERRORISTS WIN.
-LJ user tortugax

BBC NEWS | UK | London bombings toll rises to 37

The Guardian: 37 dead in London blast

The Metropolitan police confirmed 35 deaths in the three tube blasts, and two further fatalities on a double-decker bus gutted by a bomb. The London ambulance service said it had treated 45 people with serious or critical injuries, including burns and amputations, and another 300 people with minor injuries. London hospitals reported treating hundreds of wounded. Police said the overall number of wounded was as high as 700.

Books, books, books

I am typing up a list of books owned. I'm doing it using Excel, in the hopes that I can sort it later under the different categories, such as whether or not it's YA, children's, manga, fiction, nonfiction, published before 1983, etc. When I am done, I will start on my CDs, then my DVDs.

I tried to make a sortable Excel list of my books in the past, but that computer sucked and I eventually gave up after the first 125 books or so.

I am including manga, as they take up space on my shelves, or would if I'd any shelf space left which they could take up. As it is, books are lying in stacks around my room in a semi-organized fashion.

I still want more books, though. Who knows how long these will last me.

Eventually, I'll show the list with manga sorted out seperately, as they don't quite qualify as book books. Nor do the graphic novels, which will also be sorted out.

I just wish I were smart enough to make some easier way to do this. Excel lists. There has to be something more graceful I could do. Guess I'm not geek enough. Geek's the new black, don't you know. I'm sort of khaki, which is definitely not the new pink.

That should be the name of my blog. Definitely Not The New Pink. Or the name of my band. My imaginary band, which is filled with imaginary people. We rock out in a completely imaginary yet awesome way.

Fucktard Frat Boy Sets Self On Fire While Drinking

Video evidence, as placed on friend's LJ.

Enjoy!

Ha! I knew this was going to happen before they did

Okay, completely fluffy post today. Apparently, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Tie[d] the Knot. "Okay," you say, "why should I give a shit?"

Um, well, you shouldn't. It doesn't impact upon your life in any way I can think of. They're just actors, for pete's sake. Still, I thought the following was kinda cool in a completely geeky, Entertainment Tonight kind of way.

I watch this show that few other people watch called Dinner For Five on IFC. It's interesting, 'cause it tends to have more unfiltered conversation between folks in the film industry than I usually see. You hear more about the actual making of films, rather than just pumping up whatever project is at hand. A ways back, I saw an episode with Colin Farrell, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Kevin Smith, and the host, Jon Favreau. They talked some about Daredevil, some about comic books, some about giant foreheads, some about kicking ass and being trained to do so. It was fun and silly.

But one thing I couldn't help but notice was how Garner looked at Affleck. She was GLOWING. Absolutely smitten. I don't think she knew how she felt, entirely, or maybe she wouldn't have been so obvious. Affleck was still with J-Lo at the time, and she, I think, was with someone else. I don't think hanky-panky went on on the set. But she definitely had a big, fat crush on the boy. She defended him even to himself. (Lots of self-depricating humor at that table, though Affleck still came off a bit full of himself.) It was really cute.

Anyway, I could tell, by watching this show on cable which almost no one else watches, that they were going to be something at some point, at least if Garner had anything to do with it.

She really was very cute, all twitter-paited like that.

Like you care. Oh, fine. Go read a book or something. Leave me to my moment of horn-tooting.

Secret of Darth Vader's ridiculous costume REVEALED!

Labels for Buttons

And now we return to my trivial life

I hate mosquitoes SO VERY MUCH!

I'm frickin' INDOORS and they are EATING ME ALIVE.

Okay, so they're not really eating me, but instead injecting me with weird crap to make their babies happy while they gestate under my skin. Or some such shit. Whatever. I hate them. Hate.

Not as much as I hate cockroaches, though. God, I hate cockroaches.

"Body and Soul: The death of Dilawar"

There are some things I cannot let myself think about. Body and Soul: The death of Dilawar is one of them. I read about them, because it's important for me to know what the representatives of my nation are doing. The people who do these things represent me, and therefore what they do reflects upon me. In a distant way, I am responsible for it. So, when innocent men are beaten to death, I'm responsible. Same as when retarded people are put to death here in the States. If I were a better citizen, this wouldn't happen. But it does. And I can't function if I think about that.

This is why these things happen, of course. Most people can't function if they actually sit down and think it through. Okay, there are probably people who enjoy the thought of innocent blood on their hands. I don't like to think about those people, either. It's too hard. It's too heavy a weight. It's easier to worry about what the fuck I'm going to do about paying these bills, all of which are overdue and accruing fees and ruining my credit rating. That's insurmountable, but it doesn't result in fucking up anyone's life but my own. No one dies. No one's in pain.

There are people who think no one should think about these things, the torture, the death by torture, that it's blown out of proportion. Me, I got an A in Ethics. I have a pretty good idea of Right and Wrong. This is something which bothers me. As an American. As a Christian. As a human fucking being. This torture doesn't stop terrorism. It doesn't get decent information. Anyone will confess anything under torture: look at the witch trials of Europe. Who the fuck believes there were actual witches who confessed under torture then? Yet somehow, this time, we got the torture right? Somehow, this time, it's okay when innocents die because of it? When the fuck are we going to learn? If we're a Christian nation, why the hell are we acting against the tenets of Christ Himself? Is this really what Jesus would do? I'm having a serious moral problem here. What the hell is a voiceless American supposed to do? Rant on her fucking blog? Even those who read it, all 0.5 of them, don't give a shit that some chick is bothered by her country's rapid moral descent. (Please, please tell me there was a time we wouldn't have done this. Please let me believe there was a time when my country wouldn't even have done this.)

I can't handle this. I'm going to go watch some anime, surf for jobs, edit my resume, and pretend none of this is happening, like a good little American. God help us.

And a fangirl weeps

MoMA.org | Exhibitions Schedule | Film & Media | 2005 | Hayao Miyazaki and Isao Takahata: Masters of Animation

*looks over dates*

*looks at chances of seeing any of the films left*

*sits in corner and pouts*

goddammitgoddammitgoddammit

Murakami

There's a Takashi Murakami-curated exhibition at the Japan Society. The head of the East Asian Studies Department told me about a couple of months ago, but I forgot about it until ET brought it up.

Below's a sample of Murakami's work. It's entitled 2000 Peter Norton Family Christmas Project. It's sitting in the Humanities Building at U-Albany in a crappy case next to the Writing Center. It's like they couldn't think of a place to put the various art projects the Peter Norton Family donated, so they stuck them in this completely random and unprotected spot.

Sorry for the blurriness. I took them on museum setting to avoid the flash reflecting off of the case and couldn't really prop the camera appropriately to avoid movement.


Base of piece (that's a working CD)


View of CD


View of base


View of top of piece (mirror shows side facing wall)

Commenting

I give up on Blogger commenting, as no one has posted a comment in it. I'm assuming from that that you can't.

I don't know why the Enetation commenting prompt isn't showing. I'll try to fix that tomorrow, if I can. I really wish I knew HTML....

Until I get my commenting up and running, please use whatever e-mail address you have for me. Or comment on my LJ. Which is friends-only, so you have to have an LJ account, which is a pain in the ass. Ah, well. I'm going to sleep.

EDIT 6/22: I can't figure it out. According to Enetation, the code's fine. According to what I can find on Blogger, the code's fine. It's still not showing up and I still can't tell why. Sorry. E-mail me instead, I guess. (See the column to the right. Down a ways.)

*creak*

I get older by the nanosecond.

And introducing the new cat

This is Lucy. Full name is Lucy-fur. Please forgive, Sam, Maggie. I didn't realize where I got the idea of naming her that until after Mom approved of the name. If it makes you feel any better, we usually call her Tall Girl, as she's freakin' huge. Apparently she's going to get bigger, as she's only about a year-and-a-half old and won't reach full growth until she's three. Giant cat.

If you're wondering about the pattern, she's tortie-point, which means the "points" (ears, face, paws, tail) are tortoise-shell-colored. The vet we got her from says she's part himalayan, part siamese. She has the siamese eyes and jumps like a siamese and is nearly as vocal as a siamese (you talk to her and she talks back...it's so cute!). But after looking over breeder sites, Mom and I think she may be Balinese instead, due to head shape, fur length, and leg proportions. Then again, her tail's too long, and her eyes are that color.... Maybe the vet's right.

She likes to play a lot. This is the youngest cat I've ever owned. Usually by the time my family gets a cat, it's grown past the "Let's play!" stage and is more settled into its adult cat ways. It's very amusing to watch a cat so big act like a kitten. She also has this funny tendency to throw herself down, thump! It's a bit like how a teenager going through growth spurts will throw his/herself down on chairs and sofas, thump!, in order to cover up physical awkwardness.

Her previous owners were an old woman with Alzheimer's and a woman with kidney failure. She spent the majority of her young like with the Alzheimer's patient. She's a little odd in her behavior, and Mom and I have come to the conclusion that the Alzheimer's patient may have abused her (without really understanding what she was doing). It's the way Lucy responds to people trying to touch her. She's affectionate and wants to be pet, but has this fear of being touched she doesn't know how to reconcile with her desire to be pet. She's very young, though, so Mom and I think we can help her deal with this weirdness and be more her silly, sweet Lucy-fur self.

B'day

I'm unemployed and in pretty damned severe debt. So, I'm dropping hints to family and such via the internets.

In other words, if you love me, or at least would like me to stop whining, you might consider buying me something from the following for my upcoming birthday (list to be updated as I find links/remember stuff):

Stuff:

• Mr. Period tee


• Kyo Sohma black knit cap


• Furuba courier bag — Kyo face


• CLAMP no kiseki vol. 1


• CLAMP no Kiseki vol. 2


Manga (English-language, please!):

• Bleach by Kubo Taito, vol. 1-5, 7


• Boys Over Flowers by Yoko Kamio, vol. 12


• Ceres by Yû Watase, vol. 11


• Doll by Mitsukazu Mihara, vol. 5


• Erica Sakurazawa: Angel Nest, Aromatic Bitters, Between the Sheets, The Rules of Love, Nothing But Loving You


• From Far Away by Kyoko Hikawa, vol. 5


• Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya, vol. 1-4, 9—10


• Fushigi Yûgi by Yû Watase, vol. 15


• InuYasha by Rumiko Takahashi, vol. 22


• Kare Kano by Masami Tsuda, vol. 16


• Ranma 1/2 by Rumiko Takahashi, vol. 30


• Tramps Like Us by Yayoi Ogawa, vol. 1-5


• TsubasaL Resevoir Chronicle by CLAMP, vol. 5


• The Wallflower by Tomoko Hayakawa, vol. 4


• X/1999 by CLAMP, vol. 18 ("Inversion")


• xxxHolid by CLAMP, vol. 5

Um, yeah. I'm tired, so just the one link for now. Believe me, dear siblings, this list shall grow to epic proportions...but shall still be loads shorter than my Amazon.com wishlist...which you can also check out. Check out also. Whatever.

That said, paying off a couple of months of my bills wouldn't hurt, either.

EDIT 6/22: as you can see, there's an anime/manga theme.

Testing?

Could you guys do me a favor and post comments to let me know if you can do so, even without Blogger accounts? Otherwise.... *slams head into desk*

For the octopuses

The Happy Octopus, circa October, 2004.

the (mis)adventures of little trooper sugar kat: the interweb doth mock the little trooper at every turn!

My columns are broken. I don't know why they are broken, they just are.

Well, no. That's not true. They were working perfectly fine before I added the Blogger commenting code. Now they are messed up and not columning. Why are they not columning? I do not know. I don't know HTML. I'm an idiot.

Why, why won't you be all columny for me, my dear blog columns? Wherefore dost thou stack one upon the other, rather than being conveniently arranged as before, side by side? Why dost thou mess with my tired head? Why won't this code work like it's supposed to? It looks like there are columns in there, but you defy all columny coding and persist in your one-column state.

You do break my heart, not-columny columns of blog. There are but two of you, yet you do defy me at every turn. I know not what to do. I weep. I weep bitter, stupid, non-computer-geek tears. This thwarting by simple blog columns in their persistent state of non-columnness is perfect illustration of why I will never obtain a good-paying job.

Ah, columns. You show my true weakness. I am but a poseur, you say in your constant defiance of my pathetic attempts at corrective code. I do not belong. Perhaps you are right, blog columns, but I do so wish you would not be so rude as to illustrate my n00bitity so publicly.

EDIT 2:26 AM: I also just noticed that the one main column narrows to lead into the second column which is currently refusing to be a second column. Why? Why, why, why? I cannot see what the problem is. But then, it's like trying to catch a grammatical error when you don't even know the vocabulary. Wah. Why won't you be fixed easily, dear columns of blog? Why do you mock me so?

EDIT 2:45 AM: Ah! They are columns once more! ... I have no idea what I did.

Yet the first column stubborrnly persists in terminating prematurely at the close of the second column. Why? Why does it behave in such an obstinant manner?

And what the hell happened to my ability to spell words in English?

Frikkin' frakkin' Enetation

My commenting has disappeared. I don't know why.

I'm starting up Blogger commenting, so you guys can respond to the previous post. Um, so, please respond to the previous post.

Unless Blogger commenting doesn't work. In that case, e-mail me.


EDIT 7:29 PM: It's not working. I don't know why. I suck at this. But then, Blogger and Enetation suck at customer service. Then again, I don't pay for either.

EDIT 8:05PM: Okay, so it's working now. It's ugly, though. Bleh-phooie. But it's working. So, uh, please respond to that previous post. Doumo!

Advice?

My graduation present from my parents/big sister E-- is to be an Apple laptop. They told me to decide which one. I really don't know, though, which I should get, or what I should get with it. Any of you have any advice (other than get a PC as I don't want a PC)?

Kingdom of Heaven

I honestly wonder what movie the critics I've read saw. Did they actually bother to watch the film, or were they text-messaging someone and occasionally taking notes based on whatever caught their eye? Were they there with a large collection of annoying Orlando Bloom fans ranging in age from 12 to 22 and screaming their heads off at inappropriate intervals, declaring for all the theater to hear that they were willing to give up their bodies for this young man they don't know at all, squealing in jealousy every time Nathalie Cox or Liam Neeson or David Thewlis touched the boy?

This was not the film the reviewers of The New York Times or The New Yorker described. It is flawed, yes. It feels as though it were severely edited down from a much longer film in which relationships and politics were given time to develop. Yet there is still enough for a semi-intelligent viewer to catch on that there is more to the film than what the reviewers got.

The reviewers I read claimed the film ignored religion, or had a character at its center who was fighting in a holy war though he didn't have the impetus of faith. That was clearly untrue. Yes, Bloom's Balian is struggling with his faith after losing his child and then his losing his wife to suicide. The townspeople are absent, the cleric cruel, wallowing in Balian's misery. He goes to the Middle East to find redemption for his wife and for himself. Yet he is not without faith entirely. He feels God has abandoned him, yet he does not act as if he has abandoned God, but by the high ideals his faith and his father set for him.

This is not a historically accurate film. It's not meant to be. It's more of an essay on the nature of faith versus religion. What makes a good man. When is it all right to compromise, and when is it not. What is more important, stones or men. What is truly God’s will, and how does one know. What makes a good leader.

Yes, the turn by which a blacksmith becomes the knight is contrived, but I wasn't expecting much more. This is a Ridley Scott film, after all. His films are often filled with certain plot twists which, when looked at in the bright light of the lobby, don't pan out as neatly as you'd like them to, but allow the plot to move forward.

There are bad men and men who are better and men who compromise. Everyone is tainted by the wrongs done over that patch of land. There are certain anachronistic speeches and actions, but they are made to further the point. It's a much more thoughtful film than The Gladiator, and a more effective one, perhaps because of the center of the film being set on a more universal and positive aspect of humanity than simple vengeance.

There are characters who lack full explanation to the point of caricature, yet the performers do well within them, fleshing out what could have been human place markers. There seemed to be no ill-cast actor. And, this being a Ridley Scott film, the cinematography, especially of the battle scenes, is excellent. This is most definitely a post-Lord of the Rings film, but still carries Scott's distinct flourishes. Best period battles I've seen in a long, long time.

This isn't the most eloquent defense of a film, nor have I made the points I wanted to make. I've never been a very good reviewer (I wish I could be as good at this as ET or Erin). Still, at least I bothered to watch the movie before I wrote about it.

No, not really. That can't be.

And yet, it is. The closer for the Seattle Mariners tonight was named J.J. Putz. He gave up a ninth-inning homer to Jorge Posada, just to put the shit icing on the Mariners' humiliation cake.

Putz. His name is Putz. It's sewn across the back of his jersey, displayed for all to see every game in which he pitches. That's just so very unfortunate.

SPAM of the Day

From: barristerdarris5@eresmas.com
Date: Wed, 11 May 2005 11:39:42 GMT
Subject: KINDLY ASSIST.



FROM: Barrister Omoego Darris.
TEL: 234-803-581-4937.


I am Barrister Omoego Darris an International Legal Practitioner and a Consultant to Mr. Shouwkat Kahlil, a Lebanese Importer of Textiles and Automobiles, based in Cotonou,Republic of Benin for the past twenty years. Unfortunately, my client Mr Shouwkat Kahlil was one of the passengers that died in the ill-fated plane crash involving a Boeing 727 UTA chartered flight that took off from Cotonou, Republic of Benin and crashed into the Atlantic ocean on Thursday, 25 December 2003. For details of the plane crash,please visit :
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/index.html
Before the untimely death of my client, he had through a security company here in Cotonuo moved the sum of US$20.5m to Europe and was to proceed to Netherlands immediately after the Holiday to complete arrangements and have this money Deposited into ABN AMRO BANK and already the security company where the funds was deposited has sent notice to me requesting that this funds should be claimed by the depositor (My Client) or his next of kin within 14 working days, else the fund will be forfeited to the state. I must confess to you that if I do not find a way to bring this fund out of the Finance Company, I will be doing the greatest injustice to my late friend and his family. this is why I decided to you to stand in as a next of kin or his business partner who was supposed to receive the funds for investment in Europe. There are no risks involved as I am the only person who has access to my client's documents. The Finance firm has just sent a reminder to my client through me, informing him of the maturity of his fund. Your compensation for your assistance in securing the fund is subject to negotiations. I need the following information from you. Your full names,address,telephone and Fax numbers. Also Copy of your Identification. Reply urgently, as we must conclude this transaction within the next 14 working days

Sincerely,
Barrister Omoego Darris.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Deja de trabajar para beneficiar a tu jefe. TRABAJA PARA TI Y DESDE CASA.

What the loser wears

I've decided, upon seeing it for about two seconds on Funimation's website, that I simply must have this tee-shirt. Because I'm a pathetic loser for Furuba and the angry, angry orange cat.

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable.

Cannot find server?! The fuck? Gmail's servers aren't allowed to be down, dammit. They must always run and be happy and give me my e-mail. I WANT MY E-MAIL, DAMN YOU, GMAIL! Grah!


P.S. Anyone want a Gmail account?

*twitch* *twitch*

from Fafblog!:

Florida has no parental notifaction laws. But it does have a Department of Children and Families, and thank God for that: it has successfully sued to prevent a pregnant 13-year-old ward of the state from having an abortion on the grounds that she's too immature to make the decision. Too immature to choose to have a child, but plenty old enough to risk physically bringing it to term, and to raise it in the squalor of state custody. Ah, the glorious mysteries of the culture of life!
? posted by Medium Lobster

FW: Ten First-Place Winners in the International Pun Contest

This is a forwarded e-mail from my dad. My family frequently speaks in puns. Sometimes we have entire dinner conversations in puns. They are rarely intentional, but unavoidable. Frequent pun-induced groaning at Thanksgiving. We're just wired oddly. The only two jokes I know are long story jokes which end in horrific puns. If you don't like puns, you should never accept a dinner invitation by my family.

Anyway, I now share the punning pain with you, Dear Reader.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire on the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so --- thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the scurvy knave who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Update on AOL Bush performance polls

Total number of votes on the poll from yesterday (modified to include response to Bush's press conference) is up to nearly a quarter of a million. What's interesting is the change in percentages from the results last night.

How satisfied are you with what Bush said during his press conference?
Not at all 64%
Very 28%
Somewhat 8%

How would you rate Bush's overall job performance?
Poor 58%
Excellent 21%
Good 11%
Fair 9%

Total Votes: 244,783

The negative numbers are only slightly less than they were before (58% Poor down from 59%, 9% Fair down from 10%). The difference between Good and Excellent has spread, from 13/18 to 11/21, but they're still significantly smaller percentages than the negative (Good and Excellent combined still don't equal Poor, let alone Fair/Poor combined).

The numbers on policy-specific polls also remain relatively similar at nearly 150 thousand votes each poll, with the negative responses dropping by only one percentage point on Social Security "reform," Iraq, and the economy, and by four points on the energy plan.

So it doesn't matter if it's slightly under 60 thousand (or about 40 thousand on the policy polls) or nearly a quarter of a million votes (or about 150 thousand on policy polls). The usually conservative AOL poll respondants appear to be greatly displeased with Bush. And that's a very big change from just a few months ago.

All I can say is, you voted for him, folks. This crap is not my fault.

I should be writing that paper, but it's either blog or reread From Far Away vol. 1-3

Barbie as Batgirl with Motorcycle

This is the first time I've ever wanted a Barbie doll.

I'm so pathetic.

Relevant

And in this webcomic, White Ninja meets the King of the Octopuses.

w00t!

Apple - Trailers - Serenity - Large

The full screen won't work 'cause I can't download the software required.... Won't work with our version of Windows. Bleh.

Hey...was that Charlie Eppes?

Yeah! It is! It's Charlie Eppes, a thousand years in the future!

Holy crap!

Polls on AOL tend to lean towards the conservative in their results. (AOL is apparently the antithesis of LiveJournal, where many liberals lurk and share stories of meeting their favorite singers/actors/comedians in the most atrocious English/typing possible.) This is why I found the following results surprising:

How would you rate Bush's overall job performance?
Poor 59%
Excellent 18%
Good 13%
Fair 10%
Total Votes: 58,258

(No, I don't know how to make tables in HTML/this pansy-ass version of HTML Blogger has us using. I'm a coding idiot.)

A full 69% of the respondants rate the President's job performance fair to poor. Geh.

... Naturally, I just noticed the number. Am being juvinilish, which is o so stylish.

Crap. Tried not writing that, but I couldn't stop myself. Fudge.

Anyway, only 31% rate the guy positively. The vast majority of respondants replied to the question with a "he sucks!" This surprises me. We all know what I think of him and his administration. I just wasn't expecting that many other people to respond the same way.

Then there were these more policy-specific polls.

Do you understand Bush's Social Security plan?
Yes 68%
No 32%
Do you support it?
No 75%
Yes 25%
Total Votes: 40,358


Do you understand Bush's energy plan?
Yes 60%
No 40%
Do you support it?
No 74%
Yes 26%
Total Votes: 39,825


Do you approve of Bush's handling of Iraq?
No 71%
Yes 29%
Do you approve of Bush's handling of the economy?
No 75%
Yes 25%
Total Votes: 41,170

Again, heavily against Bush's performance, averaging out to just under 75% on overall support ratings.

What's rather stupid is the difference between the approval ratings and the percent who understand the policies. Don't you have to have an understanding of the policy in order to have an opinion on it? What the hell is going on with the jump, of fourteen points in one case, from number who understand to number who disapprove? How can you say you disagree if you don't know what the hell the conversation is about? I can understand if you find a particular plan or policy confusing, but if you really don't understand it, you shouldn't be responding that you don't like it.

This coming from a person who sides against almost everything this particular President has done. (The "almost" from my not being entirely sure there wasn't an instance, here or there, where I might have found myself agreeing with him.)

Not that these polls mean jack shit, as it's completely unscientific, and I could easily go to seven different terminals, select "Poor" for that first poll, and have an affect on the results. Still, the results of AOL polls like these were much different a few months ago.

From my dad - Fwd: A message from Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton

Thank you for writing to me about one of the most important issues currently facing our nation, and that is the effort by some members of the United States Senate to violate rules of this august body in order to end filibusters against judicial nominations, an effort that has become known as the "nuclear option." This term appropriately describes what some of my colleagues are attempting to do because if they were to be successful in this effort, it would mark the first time in the history of the United States that the Senate changed its internal rules of governance without following its own rules and procedures for amending those internal rules of governance. In short, some senators are not just trying to change the rules but are seeking to violate an important rule that they do not like in order to prevent a substantial minority of Senators from being able to participate in any meaningful way in the consideration of federal judicial nominations. Through an exercise of sheer power, they are attempting to place themselves above the rules to which all Senators agreed to abide.

If invoked, the "nuclear option" would be, in my view, one of the most egregious abuses of powers that the Senate has experienced in its history. The rules are somewhat technical in terms of how they work but the bottom line is that the purpose of the filibuster and related rules is to ensure that no one political party has unfettered power over the other and over the millions of Americans that the substantial minority of Senators represent. Congress after Congress, decade after decade, Senators have agreed unanimously that to get rid of the filibuster would require a super-majority, not a simple majority, and that makes sense. Important Senate rules governing minority rights should not be able to be easily changed but should instead be changed only when there is very strong support, a super-majority, to do so. By resorting to the "nuclear option", violating these rules by requiring only a simple majority rather than super majority to get rid of the filibuster in judicial nominations, the majority seeks to turn the United States Senate into a rubber stamp for President Bush's extreme judicial nominees and force all Senators to abdicate our constitutional responsibility of advice and consent. As one sworn to uphold the Constitution, that is something that I cannot and will not do, and that is why I will continue to do all I can to fight for our democratic traditions. The Constitution, which is the foundation of our democracy, very clearly sets up what we call a balance of power. That is an important concept, which is critical to how successful we have been as a nation, even during the most turbulent of times.

Unfortunately, some members of the Senate majority want to undermine, rather than preserve, that balance. Because of the extreme positions taken by some of President Bush's judicial nominees, the majority is, understandably, unable to muster enough votes on these nominations. Instead of negotiating and looking to find common ground, they have simply decided to violate the rules to reach their desired outcome. Kids on playgrounds across America have a word for this kind of behavior: it is called "cheating," and it is wrong. No one should support this kind of arrogance of power, especially in a democracy.

Let me also underscore that as of today, the United States Senate has confirmed 205 of President Bush's judicial nominations, 100 of whom were confirmed during the relatively brief period of time that my party colleagues held the Senate majority. Indeed, at the end of the 108th Congress, we had the lowest vacancy rate on the federal courts in 14 years. Only 10 Bush nominees have been rejected, each because he or she failed to demonstrate a sufficient commitment to protecting the rights and freedoms of all Americans. Therefore, in contrast to claims made by some, the Senate minority members have not been "obstructionist." To the contrary, we have a strong record of confirming almost all of President Bush's judicial nominees. Indeed, just two weeks ago, I spoke on the Senate floor in strong support of the nomination of Paul Crotty, who was nominated to serve as a judge on the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York. This nomination was confirmed unanimously, not because every Senator believed that he or she would agree with all of Judge Crotty's rulings, but, I believe, because we each had faith that he would do his best to abide by the rule of law and uphold our Constitution.

Unfortunately, President Bush has nominated a few people to serve on our federal courts for life that I and many of my colleagues believe would not abide by the rule of law, which is why some of these nominees were not confirmed. Now, to stack the courts with these nominees and other extreme judges, the majority is attempting to violate long-established and agreed to Senate rules in order to do away with a constitutional check on the power of the President to pick any judicial nominees he pleases. This is wrong and inconsistent with American values. Rest assured that I will do all that I can to ensure that this does not happen.

Not enough of a cat

My sister forwarded this e-mail to me. My brother "confirmed" it at Urban Legends Reference Pages: Photo Gallery (Toner Mouse). It's supposed to be funny, but all I can think is, Oh my God, oh my God, that poor mouse, it's dead, oh that poor mouse. I'm a big softie. Obviously, I've not enough cat-ness to me to find this "LOL .. hilarious!" Perhaps you sick bastards do and will.

Seeking justice in Spain

Spain to try 9/11 terror suspects

Twenty-four people suspected of being part of the 11 September 2001 attacks on the US will go on trial in the Spanish capital, Madrid, on Friday.

Prosecutors want three of the men to receive a total of more than 60,000 years in jail - 25 for each victim.

Damn fuckin' straight. God bless the Spanish.

Well, I mean, how could I not blog about this?

Chinese Men Measure Up to Others Below the Belt

"Our conclusion is that Hong Kong people are no smaller than Western men, where their penises are concerned," said Chan Lung-wai, director of the Urology Center at the Union Hospital, who headed the study.

Naturally, I wonder if they included Japanese men in this study, and if they compared Chinese to Japanese and what the result was. Somehow, considering the current (and long-standing) international political environment, I don't think the results of that particular comparison would be unbiased, or at all favorable to the Japanese.

A group of scientists in Hong Kong spent five months from October last year measuring 148 ethnic Chinese volunteers aged between 23 and 93.

What a horrible, horrible job. Sure, there may be some slutty het girls or 'mo guys out there who'd say, "Woo! Feeling up male members all day! Sign me up, Chairman!" I would then have to remind those lil' 'hos that the range covered 23 (okay, fine) to 93 (oh my dear lord in heaven). Also, sex organs are ugly. And lord only knows where they've been sticking that thing. Ew.

Also, those readers who are of lesser experience who bothered to read the link now know what to expect when a guy takes his shorts off.

...Disappointing, isn't it?

[The study] found that a man's height bore no relation to the length of his member, but those with higher body mass indexes, or fat content, appeared to have shorter penises.

"It seems that as someone gets older and fatter, his blood vessels change, so the penile size is not static. It may be a reflection of the condition of the person's blood vessels," Chan said, adding that this could spur yet another study. [emphasis mine, 'cause, like, ew]

See, sluts? Not a pleasant job. Imagine the fet man's penis study, though. Or don't. Really, you don't need that image in your head, do you? Uch.

Still, how sad is that? Not only is Mister Fatty McFatbutt too physically gross (in both senses of the word) to attract females, but he can't even pleasure the self-hating ones who do decide to lower their standards and sleep with him. Also, we now know that the fat ones really haven't seen Mister Happy in years.

Because I'm so easily amused

Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE.
From: "FROM MRS MONICA KABILA."
Date: Sun, April 4, 2004 10:48 am
Priority: Normal

Return-Path: monikabila1@simbamail.fm
Madam Monica Kabila.
Introduction.
My Dear,


PLEASE REPLY ME WITH THIS PRIVATE EMAIL monikabila1@simbamail.fm




It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I and my Son
Mack,intend to establish in your country.




Though I have not met with you before but I believe,one has to risk confiding in
succeed sometimes in life.




There is this huge amount of Eigtheen million U.S dollar($18,000,000.00)which my
late Husband kept for us with a Security Company in Abidjan before he was
assasinated by unknown persons.



Now I and my son decided to invest these money in your country or anywhere safe
enough outside Africa for security and political reasons.



We want you to help us claim and retrieve these fund from the Fiduciary Security
Holders and transfer it into your personal account in yourcountry for investment
purposes on th ese areas:


1). Telecommunication


2). the transport industry


3). Five star hotel



If you can be of an assistance to us we will be pleased to offer you 10% Of the
total fund.



PLEASE REPLY ME WITH THIS PRIVATE EMAIL, You can as well reach my son mack with this
private number which is 008821655515306, monikabila1@simbamail.fm



I await your soonest response.


Respectfully yours,


Mrs. Monica Kabila.

And Halifax's eyes bleed

I'm a sucker for these things. If Halifax does, in fact, read The Very Secret Diary of M. T. Cicero and his head explodes or his eyes melt out of his head or something, could you let me know?

Pimp: the Backhanding card game (I shit you not)

Why didn't I hear of this sooner? Why did I have to find out about it from reading the notes accompanying an old "Something Positive" comic? Why is no one writing volumes of twisted, evil, and deeply humorous posts regarding White Wolf's Pimp: the Backhanding utilizing the character types from their other Noun: the Gerund games? C'mon, people! This is fucking hi-la-ri-ous!

Please help out, if you can

A friend of mine is trying to raise money for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. She's "required to raise a minimum of $1,800 to participate," but so far her donations are only up to $765. I thought I'd post here, in case someone might be willing to help out. I'm not asking you to donate lots, just what you can, if you can. (I, myself, am on my fiscal last legs, which are looking rather stumpy and infected right now....)

It's for a good cause and she's a great person. (She also is mommy to one of the cutest babies I've ever, ever seen.) Hope folks can help.

Cogito, Ergo Sumana for 2001 October

I was looking around for the lyrics to the Powdered Milk Biscuits song from Prairie Home Companion and ran across this in some Berkeleyite's four-year old weblog:

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Taliban. Er, Azkaban. But seriously, folks, Goblet of Fire, the most recent Harry Potter novel, certainly alludes to terrorism, albeit magical.

I think I gave that book back to Dan, but maybe I could skim some passages again at a bookstore or something. The Harry Potter books really do get more thought-provoking and morally complex as the series progresses. I'm looking forward to seeing J.K. Rowling's next work.

Makes me feel less stupid for reading the books. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only adult I know (not including family) who reads these books.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Andersen

Today's Hans Christian Andersen's 200th birthday.

Thanks for the Red Shoes, the New Clothes, and the Ugly Duckling.

Fatty Fat McFatbutt, American

Americans face drop in life expectancy - Some claim obesity will cut years off US lives by the 2050s.

As my mother said in her e-mail when she forwarded this to me, "Well, that'll take care of the Social Security deficit."

For the first time in recent history, researchers are predicting that the life expectancy of Americans may begin a sustained decline.

The forecast is based on the sharp rise in obesity in today's youth. By the middle of this century, the increased risk of diabetes, heart disease and cancer that they will face could lessen the average life expectancy by two to five years, some say.

In general, longevity predictions are determined by studying historical trends in death rates. Various agencies, such as the US Social Security Administration (SSA), have used this method to predict that the life expectancy of Americans will continue to rise over the next century.

But Jay Olshansky, a biodemographer at the University of Illinois at Chicago, argues that they ignore the effect of obesity on future generations.

My favorite part of this article is the picture of the fat kid with the spikey hair and red shirt staring with unsurpressed gleeful anticipation at something that looks like it has as many fat calories in it as his body has fat cells.

Wrap-around sunglasses for the pooch

I was clicking away, as I do when I'm avoiding things, when I came across Doggles.

I've a dear friend, like a sister to me, whom I've known since we were in high school. She is a lesbian living in Southern California who is getting to that point that some people who don't expect to have children of their own do of treating her dogs like her children. She sends pictures of them to friends, family, and acquaintances as often as Lieutenant Colonel Hughes shows of pictures of his little girl on FullMetal Alchemist.

I want to get her Doggles for her three dogs. I think that would kick ass. I think they'd crack her up, which she needs while trying to work her way through the evils of being a screenwriter in L.A.

... I need a job, damn it.

Mein Gott im Himmel

I don't know whether I'm laughing at the extreme geekiness of this item or squealing like an extreme geek. In any case, I think someone I know needs to have a Darth Vader Sprinkler. I don't know who. But someone needs to "[l]et the Dark Side defend [their] lawn from the ravages of summer heat or cool [them] off on a hot day with this Darth Vader sprinkler!"

Oh. Oh no. "Standing 10" tall, this great new Vader sprinkler spins around with water spraying action, wielding his lightsaber in a furious battle to save your lawn!" I laugh. I cry. I've no idea how to cope with something this...what? Geeky? Ridiculous? Star Warsy? I especially love this picture, where it looks like Vader's fighting with himself while playing in the sprinkler.

Squee!

It's here! The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy :: The Official Movie Website. Am ridiculously excited over it. Which is stupid, as I know I'll be disappointed, but...Marvin's voice by Alan Rickman! Stephen Fry as The Book! That's so froody! And...ooh! Is that John Malkovich?

Random kitten generator

At first I thought posting a link to this site would prevent Maggie from ever doing another thing again besides clicking on kittens, requiring some sort of intervention by a deeply concerned and loving Ryan by mid-May. Then I realized it's actually a recruitment site for Maggie's Kitten Army, as the examples below show:

See? So very obviously a promotional shot of one of Maggie's army kittens in training.


This must be a photo illustrating their paw-to-paw combat training process.

I find myself mesmirized.


Transcript from when Sugar Kat found said site:

KITTEN! EEEE!

*clickitty*

SO! CUTE!

*clickitty*

GAH! EVEN MORE WITH THE CUTENESS!

*passes out from cute and furry sensory overload*

Bad badness abounds!

You really need to go check out this book description and its reviews on Amazon.com. If you want, you can even "preview" this example of vanity-press publication, which was culled from some guy's collected works of online fiction. Then, after reading the preview, you, too, can post about how gawdawful it is. Join in the fun!

That having been said, these nori snacks my friend Mitsuki-chan brought up from the City with her and then generously supplied me with kick all kinds of salty-goodness ass. Yum!

To blog or not to blog

I'm not sure why I haven't deleted this thing already. I have that other place I write. Those of you who want to read it, let me know.

Anyway, Things are getting absolutely crazy with school, and I'm not entirely certain I'm graduating. I know I won't have a job to go to if/when I do, which makes me so nervous and unhappy, I can't actually permit myself to think about it or I get physically ill.

I distract myself with reading manga, thinking about television shows, typing away in the other place I write, and now messing with pictures to make icons and banners and such. Which is stupid. I should be working on back work. But I can't focus, as I start thinking about the future and get scared sick and have to go lie down. So I do a little bit of work, then go do things like write this entry in this blog.

I'm an adult. Why can't I act like one?

At any rate, this is my attempt to keep this blog updated. Let me know if I should continue, will you?

Ha ha ha, muthafukka!

PRESS RELEASE: Science Fiction Authors Hoax Vanity Publisher

Over a holiday weekend last year, some thirty-odd science fiction writers banged out a chapter or two apiece of "Atlanta Nights," a novel about hot times in Atlanta high society. Their objective: to write a deeply awful novel to submit to PublishAmerica, a self-described "traditional publisher" located in Frederick, Maryland.

The project began after PublishAmerica posted an attack on science fiction authors at one of its websites (http://www.authorsmarket.net/). PublishAmerica claimed "As a rule of thumb, the quality bar for sci-fi and fantasy is a lot lower than for all other fiction.... [Science fiction authors] have no clue about what it is to write real-life stories, and how to find them a home." It described them as "writers who erroneously believe that SciFi, because it is set in a distant future, does not require believable storylines, or that Fantasy, because it is set in conditions that have never existed, does not need believable every-day characters."

The writers wanted to see where PublishAmerica puts its own quality bar; if the publisher really is selective, as the company claims, or if it is a vanity press that will accept almost anything, as publishing professionals assert.

"Atlanta Nights" was completed, any sign of literary competence was blue-penciled, and the resulting manuscript was submitted.

PublishAmerica accepted it.

Oh, please, please read the rest. It is so, so damned funny. There's even a link to the shitty novel. So lovely.

All is vanity

The buffalo jumped over a steel panel during the Black Hills Stock Show & Rodeo on Sunday morning, went down an alley and got into the dressing room reserved for visiting sports teams, said Brian Maliske, the civic center's general manager.

[...]

The crew conducting the Black Hills Classic Buffalo Sale decided to keep the animal locked in the dressing room for the rest of the auction. During its two hour stay, it reportedly became fascinated with the image it saw in a big mirror.

TX Teens Increased Sex After Abstinence Program

Despite taking courses emphasizing abstinence-only themes, teenagers in 29 high schools became increasingly sexually active, mirroring the overall state trends, according to the study conducted by researchers at Texas A&M University.

"We didn't see any strong indications that these programs were having an impact in the direction desired," said Dr. Buzz Pruitt, who directed the study.

The study was delivered to the Texas Department of State Health Services, which commissioned it.

The federal government is expected to spend about $130 million to fund programs advocating abstinence in 2005, despite a lack of evidence that they work, Pruitt said.

Your tax dollars at work, folks. I'd be snigering if it weren't so damned pathetic.

Unreformed tort

take the WHAT INTENTIONAL TORT ARE YOU test


and go to mewing.net. because law school made laura do this.

Best of 2004, Movies

All the octopods are doing it. Were doing it. Are. Whatever. I'm not octopody enough (few if any of the octopuses know who the heck I am), so I can't post on the OctoBlog. Hence, I'm posting my opinion here.

I didn't see a lot of movies last year.

This is because I live with my mom and far away from decent theaters. Podunk living means you don't see too many films. Of the ones I've seen, here's how I'd order them:

Best
as in, will happily see ten thousand times more and gives me goosebumps just thinking about it

The Increadibles

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I [heart] Huckabees

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
may have to see this one again to double-check on its status

There is no particular order to the films above, really. I'd say Increadibles and Sunshine share top spot.

Honorable Mention
liked a lot, but problematic or just not goosebumpy

Hellboy
boat-load of fun, unique vision, probably pissed off a lot of the comic's fans

Spiderman 2
while I enjoyed the heck out of it, I don't see picking this DVD out of the bunch whenever I'm in need of random moviness, like I do with Amélie or Lola Rennt; am pissed off by the obvious non-New Yorkness of the L-train, but get all soft and mushy at the thought of the scene where he's unmasked before the crowd

Sideways
great acting, great writing, mades me thirst for wine while in the theater, but did not blow me away; a nice, tight film

Kill Bill: Vol. 2
awesome, but I think I need to see the two films in a row to really appreciate them

Lemony Snickett's A Series of Unfortunate Events
the kids were great, the design was awesome, Carrey grated, solving one of the mysteries that early in series pissed me off

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
casting was AWFUL, scripting was leaden and left out huge chunks of necessary character developments/plot points, yet was the least disappointing of the three released so far and had more of the dark vibe of the books; nearly didn't make it on this portion of the list, and may be bumped down to the next section yet

Also saw
the also-rans of the list; I'm having trouble remembering all of these, so I may add more; please note that I didn't dislike any of these: they're just not good enough to merit placement on the lists above

Dodgeball

House of Flying Daggers
pretty pictures and cool effects do not make for a great film, but a nice one; disappointing, really; would not bother to watch again

Farenheit 9/11
yeah, i'm a liberal Democrat and card-carrying member of the ACLU, but even I can recognize ranting polemic when I see it; didn't hate it, but not in love with it; Moore's done better in the past

Shrek 2
it had Puss In Boots, whom I ADORE, and that's pretty much it

There are a bunch of films I want to see (Finding Neverland, The Long Engagement, Bad Education, The Aviator, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Alfie, Ray, Mean Girls, Anchorman,...), but I'm not sure I'll ever get to see them, especially now that the semester has started. Crossing fingers.

Holy f-!

Seriously. Just look at the list of names attached to this offering by Slate. It's ka-razy.

The Year in Culture
Neil LaBute, Lemony Snicket, Kenneth Pollack, and others on 2004's most notable cultural happenings.

Johnny Carson, 1925-2005

Mom came over when I finished my reading assignment. "Johnny Carson is dead," she said. "No," I replied. "He can't die. Johnny Carson can't die."

Well, he did: AOL News - Late-Night Legend Dies at 79.

It's not like when I heard Jim Henson died. Henson was younger and had plans he was still working on. (I'm still pissed off about Henson dying.) Carson retired ages ago. I just thought...well, Carson was slightly immortal. He's been there all my life. It's not like losing a grandfather or uncle. I'm not crying. I'm just oddly surprised. Johnny Carson wasn't supposed to die.

I guess some part of me always figured he would come back to late night again and kick Jay Leno's butt in the ratings. But now he's gone, so he can't, not just won't, and I look around at his "replacements" and think, "They aren't."

Fucking wow

Directed to this article by Neil Gaiman.

So, not only is it the cutest car on the road, and the only car I'd be willing to spend money on (I've a free Honda from my sister right now), but it's super-safe: Mini Tale: Mini Meets Tree.

Nifty!

And now for comething completely different

This, however, is not a larch.


Sorry. It's been about two months since I've made a Monty Python reference. I was going to 'splode.

Gah! Holy shit! *points at e-mail*

So, Hal gave me the nickname I'm using for this blog, along with a little help from the Angry Rabbit, and I'm thinking, "I can use that on my blog." I mean, I've used it on gag postcards. Why not here, on the internet?

Right, Kat.

There was a four(?)-issue series called "Where's it at, Sugar Kat?" back in the late nineties by a fellow named Woodrow Phoenix and ...oh, crap. I just cannot find my box with the collection of comics in it. As opposed to the graphic novels, which I cleverly packed as books and have neatly arranged on my bookshelves. Anyway, I'd picked the first issue up because of the name and my nickname and then picked up the rest 'cause it was the funny and I identified with Sugar Kat's sister (oddly enough).

Now, years and years later, I get this e-mail:

Date:Sun, 16 Jan 2005 19:19:46 +0000
Subject:So, where IS it at?
From:'woodrow phoenix' <[snip for privacy's sake]> Add to Address Book
To: [snip]


Hello there.
I have spies everywhere but they are very slow at filing their reports. As co-creator of the WHERE'S IT AT, SUGAR KAT? book I was naturally intrigued when one of them told me about your blog. So far though, no evidence that you've ever read the comic book. So is your blog-du-plume [maybe that should be 'nom-du-blog'] merely coincidence...or SOMETHING MORE?


quizzically,

W P

Now I'm feeling all guilty, 'cause, like, dude, I've read the comics, but I had the nickname beforehand and thought there wouldn't be a problem. I didn't even remember the comic, to be honest, when I started up this account (and all of my other sugarkat-related accounts). Not that I didn't like it, but...it's my nickname.... *looks confused* Is there a problem? Now I have a problem, don't I? What do I doooooooooo? (wah!) *whimper*

Oh, this is the suck. All I need: another excuse to feel guilty. Like Mom doesn't help out on that enough already.

Plus, there's the weirdness of people I don't know reading my blog with the horror of someone whose work I've liked reading this P.O.S. blog. Oh, fuck fuck fuckity fuck-fuck. I'm embarrassed and guilty.

I need chocolate.

Should I be guilty? Crap. I hate it when I get angst-ridden!

We call bullshit

From The Rude Pundit

When the Rude Pundit was an adolescent, his father died. His family, which had worked its way out of welfare, food stamps, and a very nice mobile home park, would have been crushed had it not been for one simple thing: the survivor benefits of the Social Security system. It wasn't a fuck of a lot of money, but between survivor and dependent benefits, the Rude Pundit wasn't sent off to live with creepy Uncle Marvin and his cold, cold fingertips. It was enough to pay the rent. It was enough to supplement Mama Rude's income. See, caught up in the whole debate about privatization is the fact that, really, retirement benefits only make up a portion of what Social Security pays out. In fact, between survivor and disability benefits, retirement makes up a smaller part of the SS pie than you might imagine.

Says reader David S, who was a claims rep for Social Security for 17 years, "Social Security is a social insurance system, with roughly 1/3 of payments going to the severely disabled and 1/3 going to survivors, and 1/3 going to retirees. Any disciplined fool could take the money and beat the retirement benefits today (though that wasn't true in the past), but it would take an astute person to beat the whole package. Disability coverage is freakin' expensive, and your Bushie investment plans aren't going to be much use for that." But we're not hearin' a fuck of a lot about disability and survivor benefits. Certainly not in the "Ask the White House" online chat with Special Assistant to the President on Economic Policy Chuck Blahous, who created the new mantra, "The President does not want to privatize Social Security," even though Bush does want private individuals to control where a private portion of their private Social Security is privately invested.

[...]

All that's been said in the vague doublespeak of Bush's as-yet-unannounced plan, which, no doubt, will be massive and released in the middle of the night for voting the next morning, about Social Security's survivor and disability insurance is that Bush wants to "preserve" them. But the Social Security Adminstration's website says, "Most plans, including those put forth by the President's Commission to Strengthen Social Security, do not reduce the benefits of currently disabled beneficiaries." That's "currently disabled." In other words, lose a limb now, motherfucker, or you better start shinin' your coin cups. (Why is the SSA website promoting Bush's policies? Isn't that the use of government funds for partisan political purposes?)

~*~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ET

Unfortunately, your present is in transit from the land of the rising sun.
It is childish and silly, which, hopefully, is still appropriate for a rabbit of your age and rage.
(It would be for a presweetened feline of my even more advanced senescence.)

Hope your birthday party is suitably super-awesome and filled with tasty goodness.
And maybe a equally delectable bisshonen-type man-toy wrapped in a bow, if you're so inclined.

~sugarkat

YAAAAAAAAAY!

CONGRATULATIONS, MAGGIE AND RYAN

You are super-awesome, Maggie, and I wish you and Ryan all the happiness and love and peace and prosperity and cool gadgets you can handle.

With bouncy-happy (and belated) exuberation,

sugarkat
=^_^=

OMEDETOUGOZAIMASU!

Quote of the Day

"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."

-William James

Happy Birthday, Mister Hamilton

From today's Writer's Almanac

It's the birthday of one of the founding fathers of our country, Alexander Hamilton, born in the British West Indies (1755, some sources say 1757). He's the man on the $10 bill.

He grew up on the tiny island of Nevis, where his father abandoned the family and his mother died when he was just a boy. He was taken in by a local merchant who gave him a job at a general store. He turned out to be quite good at accounting, so when he was thirteen, his boss took a trip to Europe and left young Alexander in charge of the store. He started writing on the side, and an article about a recent hurricane so impressed the adults around him that they all pitched in to pay for his passage to New York, where he could attend school.

He arrived in America just as rebellion against Great Britain was brewing, and he immediately began to write for New York newspapers in support of the colonies' rights. He impressed George Washington so much that he became Washington's right hand man when he was barely twenty-years old. After the revolution, when many American politicians believed that the colonies should remain mostly independent of each other, Hamilton was one of the earliest supporters of a strong central government.

In just three years, between 1787 and 1790, he served on the constitutional convention, wrote the majority of the Federalist Papers, (which helped garner support for the new constitution) became the first secretary of the treasury, and set up the U.S. National Bank.

While serving on Washington's cabinet, Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson became bitter enemies, and set out to undermine each other with gossip about each other's scandalous private lives. Hamilton was having an affair at the time, and there were rumors that Jefferson had had children with one of his slaves. But despite their bitter rivalry, Hamilton later spoke in favor of Jefferson as president over Aaron Burr, whom he considered a scoundrel.

Four years later, Burr challenged him to a duel. They met at sunrise in a wooded area of Weehawken, New Jersey, above the Hudson River. Hamilton showed up for the duel to prove his courage, but he purposely fired his gun straight up into the air. Burr aimed at him anyway, and Hamilton was mortally wounded and died the next day.

He hasn't been as well remembered as Washington or Jefferson, but by setting up the national treasury, the national bank, the first budgetary and tax systems, and most of all by helping gather support for the U.S. constitution, he did more to design the system of government we now live under than almost any other man.

The columnist George F. Will said, "We honor Jefferson, but live in Hamilton's country."

Alexander Hamilton wrote, "The sacred rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for among old parchments or musty records. They are written, as with a sunbeam, in the whole volume of human nature by the hand of the divinity itself and can never be erased or obscured by mortal power."

It's also William James's birthday. He was Henry James's philosopher/early psyschologist brother who wrote better than his more famous sibling. He's also the man responsible for the concept of "stream of consciousness" writing.

*whistling into the wind*

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY, MAGGIE

Sorry I didn't get to send you your present in time, but it's stuck in Japan, keeping ET's Christmas and birthday presents company.

Hope you had a groovalicious birthday....

~sugarkat
*slinks into corner*
*guilt*
*guilt*
*guilt*

Bwa-hahahahahahaha!

From Associated Press on Yahoo! News - CNN Lets 'Crossfire' Host Carlson Go:

"I guess I come down more firmly in the Jon Stewart camp," Klein told The Associated Press.

Random Whedon Quote

People who are prettier than me are not supposed to be funnier than me.

- on Nathan Fillion

Now Blogging This

As stated in a previous entry, I was considering not continuing this blog. But since Maggie asked me to do otherwise and as Maggie is cool, I've decided to post my annual Xmas Booty post to commemorate the continuation of the blogness.

whut i dun got

• From my elder sister, E-- and her little tribelet:
  THE box set: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition Collector's Gift Set)
  yee-haw!




• [edit 1/2/05] from my sister E--:
  Orlando Bloom 2004 calendar, featuring pics of him looking all snuggly in bed
  silly big sister




• from my sister E--'s two boys:
  Muppet Show: Music Mayhem & More - 25th Anniversary Collection CD




• [edit 1/2/05] from my sister E--'s eldest, J--:
  a very nasty cold
  gee, thanks, kid




• from my little brother, D--:
  Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy DVD
  Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, David Sedaris
  le yay




• from my eldest sister, J-- and her tribe en France:
  ...dunno, as whichever company she ordered it from is taking their own sweet time in getting the package to me
  
  [edit 1/2/05] Actually, it got here in plenty of time. Mom just couldn't be bothered to check with J-- who was supposed to get what. Nice, huh?
  I got a very pretty red scarf, the type you wear decoratively, not the warm kind




• from mes parents:
  ticket to go see Democracy the new play by the fellow who wrote Copenhagen...neither of which any of you know and/or give a damn about




• from friend Danielle:
  Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow ... Right! CD




• from friend Lorin:
  Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl DVD




• from friend Mitsuki-chan:
  Chinatown versions of Kerokerokeroppi wallet, coinpurse, and drawstring bag to make up for my (legit) Kerokerokeroppi wallet being stolen the week before Christmas
  ...aww, how sweet! yay!

Where's it at, Sugar Kat?

Um, nowhere, lil' bear.

I will not be making further updates to this blog until I hear from those who have been reading the blog. I'm assuming no one is at the moment, so, really, what's the point?

Anyway, I've been too busy failing my classes since Grandma's funeral to maintain this thing.

If you're actually reading and want updates, please post a comment. Or e-mail me. If not, well, there we go.

Should be illegal, considering you have to PAY for incoming calls..

From a forwarded e-mail my family received from my techie brother-in-law:

In a few weeks, cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls on cell phones. Go to this link to put your cell number on the national Do Not Call list. It blocks your number for 5 years.

Here is online form

https://www.donotcall.gov/register/reg.aspx

Why I read The Pinstriped Bible

And so we wait through another Thanksgiving. Another tasteless American butterball turkey, as appetizing as one of Don Zimmer's old socks stuffed with sawdust, is placed before us by a relative we secretly don't like. Honey, how soon can we get out of here — and why, at the very least, isn't there some baseball news to distract me from the gloomy business of being thankful?

The Onion | Nation's Poor Win Election For Nation's Rich

"The Republican party—the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite—would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."

What number are you?

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

fun with fetuses

I adopted a cute lil' ninja fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

Oh my lord, I must have this!

Totoro DX Plush Backpack -- Large.

GAH!