Geek

My hands hurt and my breathing's funny from inhaling tiny bits of the lawn and I'm kinda sweaty (ick!) after mowing the lawn, but I thought I'd check my e-mail before I hopped into the shower. Surprise, surprise, my brother sent me an e-mail. What did my dear, darling younger brother send me? A note telling me how his life is going? A good luck note on starting the new semester? Encouragement in my quest to obtain a driver's license? No, of course not. He sent me a link to The Geek Test. I scored 37.47535%, or "Major Geek," which is middling on the list of results, which ranges from "Geekish Tendencies" to "Dysfunctional Geek." I've a feeling my friends would score better than I. I am somewhat ashamed of this. Still, I wonder if my brother's surprised I didn't score higher. My dear, darling brother.

grr! arg!

arg! grr!

There Should Be A Parent's Exam, Like A Driver's Test, Before You Are Allowed To Breed And Raise Your Own Young

Couple Accused of Keeping Twins, 5, Caged

... When police arrived at the home they found the children inside two cribs that had been wired together and sealed by plastic crates. Roaches filled the cages, which contained a blanket and small mattress stained with feces and urine. ... Investigators believe the boys were released from the cages for a few hours a day when their mother returned from work.

I Don't Listen To Radio

I used to know the call letters of almost every station I could receive from my home in Fairfield County, Connecticut. I knew when my favorite shows were on, which D.J.s played the music I wanted to hear generally when I wanted to hear it. I was nearly as knowledgeable about local radio when I lived in the suburbs of Washington during the Regan years. Now, however, I know nothing of local (Albany) stations. I know which station plays Yankees games and where the NPR station is, generally, but nothing else. I haven't listened to the radio a quarter as much as I used to. Instead, I'll listen to the AOL "Radio", where I can choose the genre, or mess around on radio station sites, like the BBC, which lets me listen to specific movements of pieces by Musorgsky if I want to. Jazz, pop, classical, celtic, j-pop, canto-pop, you name it, you can find a place on the internet where you can listen to it for free, no commercials, most of the time without even the annoyingly chatty D.J.. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing. However, I still wish I had some use for my radio other than listening to Sterling and Steiner wax pontifical on the Yankees.

"In Courtroom, Laughter at Fox and a Victory for Al Franken"

August 23, 2003

By SUSAN SAULNYA federal judge in Manhattan told Fox News yesterday that it had to learn how to take a joke. Then he rejected the network's request for an injunction to block the satirist Al Franken from using the words "fair and balanced" on the cover of his book, "Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right."

Calling the motion "wholly without merit, both factually and legally," the judge, Denny Chin of United States District Court, said that a person would have to be "completely dense" not to realize the cover was a joke, and that trademark protection for the phrase "Fair and Balanced" was unrealistic because the words are so commonly used.

Lawyers for Mr. Franken and his publisher, Penguin Group (USA), called the ruling a victory for the First Amendment. Mr. Franken was not in court.

"I never really had any doubt," he said in a telephone interview, calling the ruling "a victory for satirists everywhere, even the bad ones. In addition to thanking my own lawyers, I'd like to thank Fox's lawyers for filing one of the stupidest briefs I've ever seen in my life."

The Fox court papers had referred to Mr. Franken, a former "Saturday Night Live" writer and performer and an unabashed liberal, as a "parasite" who appeared shrill, unstable and "increasingly unfunny."

The network could appeal the decision. "We are considering our options," said Paul Schur, a Fox spokesman. "We don't care if it's Al Franken, Al Lewis or Weird Al Yankovic. We're here to protect our trademark and our talent."

If anything, the lawsuit only benefited Mr. Franken. His book had been scheduled for release in September, but the publicity caused the publisher to print an extra 50,000 copies, for a total of 435,000, and to roll the book out on Thursday.

After the ruling yesterday, it moved to the No. 1 spot on the best-seller list at amazon. com.

The network filed for the injunction on Aug. 11. Fox News Network trademarked the phrase "Fair and Balanced" in 1998 to describe its news coverage, and network lawyers claimed that Mr. Franken's use of the phrase in his book would "blur and tarnish" it.

Fox also objected to the use of a picture of Bill O'Reilly, one of its prominent news personalities, on the cover, claiming that it could be mistaken as an endorsement of the book.

But these arguments were met by laughter in the crowded courtroom, as Fox tried to defend its signature slogan. Part of the network's burden was to prove that Mr. Franken's use of the phrase "fair and balanced" would lead to consumer confusion.

One round of laughter was prompted when Judge Chin asked, "Do you think that the reasonable consumer, seeing the word `lies' over Mr. O'Reilly's face would believe Mr. O'Reilly is endorsing this book?"

The giggling continued as Dori Ann Hanswirth, a lawyer for Fox, replied, "To me, it's quite ambiguous as to what the message is here."

She continued, "It does not say `parody' or `satire.' "

Ms. Hanswirth said Fox's "signature slogan" was also blurred, because people who were not associated with the network, which owns the Fox News Channel, also appear on the cover with Mr. O'Reilly.

Judge Chin said, "The president and the vice president are also on the cover. Is someone going to consider that they are affiliated with Fox?"

The courtroom broke into laughter again.

Ms. Hanswirth replied, "It's more blurring, your honor."

After more discussion about what was and what was not satire, and about the definition of "parody," Judge Chin decided that Mr. Franken's work was of "artistic value."

"Parody is a form of artistic expression protected by the First Amendment," he said. "The keystone to parody is imitation. In using the mark, Mr. Franken is clearly mocking Fox."

He said Mr. Franken's work was "fair criticism."

Judge Chin said the case was an easy one, and chided Fox for bringing its complaint to court. The judge said, "Of course, it is ironic that a media company that should be fighting for the First Amendment is trying to undermine it."

Copyright 2003 The New York Times Company

My Very Own Legolas

I have Legolas. Life-size, in all his prince-of-the-wood-elves glory. My sister gave him to me as a late birthday present. He is mine, eyes staring soulfully at me whilst I sleep. He is, unfortunately, two-dimensional, but he is still very pretty and he is very much mine. Mine, mine, mine.

Please note: My sister got me my very own Legolas by preordering the widescreen DVD of the theatrical release version of The Two Towers at FYE. 2-D Legolas was "free with purchase," but only at the actual meat-person store. If you go to FYE and make such preorder, you, too, Dear Reader, can have your very own Legolas, pretty and standing tall, but I doubt yours will stare as soulfully at you while you sleep as mine does.

Legolas! O my Legolas!

I now open up the comments section to poetry entries regarding my life-sized, soulful-eyed and super-pretty two-dimensional Legolas.

I Made My Nephew Cry

It was very easy. I told the both of them that if they got up from the table with food in their hands, meaning wandering around and eating, they would have an extra ten minutes of practice on their respective instruments (J-- viola, P-- piano). This was a rule I set up while watching over them yesterday morning/afternoon while my sister was at work trying to get the school's computer system up and running before the semester starts and the teachers freak. (My poor sister.) They spent their lunch popping up from the table and running about the house, dropping bits of food all over the place. I'm not that patient with that sort of behavior. (S-- doesn't act that way and never has.) So I reminded the both of them of the rule as they sat down to eat their lunch today. Of course, being who they are (meaning, not half as well-behaved as S--), they broke the rule. When I told them they both had an extra ten minutes of practice for breaking the rule, the elder (J--) nodded his head in almost a "It's a fair cop" kind of way, but the younger (P--) went back to the table and cried. Please note that while J-- generally has fifteen minutes of practice (now twenty-five), P-- has thirty minutes, which has now been pumped up to forty. Forty minutes of playing the piano. I suppose I can see why he sat and wept while he ate the rest of his soup, but, still, a rule's a rule, I warned them not ten minutes before, and he knew what he was doing. Maybe I'm evil, but I'm fair and balanced in my dispensation of punishment. They are punished the same amount of time for the same action. Not my fault P-- already had fifteen more minutes of practice than his brother.

Vote For My Dad

I just found my dad's birthday present, which I shall ship to him as soon as I get his new address in San Jose.

Birthday

What does Halifax want for his birthday? Does SheepBoy have a DVD player? What the heck should I get my dad for his birthday now that he'll be living in California and I have to ship whatever I give him? While I've planned what I'll get my two younger nephews for Christmas (as many Susan Cooper hardcovers as possible, including the newly reprinted The Dark Is Rising sequence), what should I get J-- for his birthday in December? What should I get my bestest buddy C-- for his birthday in November? Will I be able to find the rest of the Muppets finger puppets from Starbucks for my brother and fellow Muppet fan, D--? It's still August, but these fall birthdays are weighing upon my mind. Come October I shall be fussing over Christmas and winter birthdays. With what money will I make these purchases? It does not matter. I must get these presents. Why? Because. Because they are friends and family. That's just the way I work. I will be very bothered if I cannot find anything, especially since I missed a couple of these birthdays last year. (Bad Kitty! Bad! guilt guilt guilt) I wish everyone had Amazon.com wishlists. Or just created wishlists on some other easily-accessible website. Thank goodness I already took care of S--'s birthday present. Oh, wait! my sister J--'s birthday! Augh! What the heck should I send her? I have to send her something. She got me that lovely teapot with the Japanese cat design for my birthday.

I wonder if Pirates of the Caribbean will be availble on DVD by November. That would take care of some of this. Hm. I can get Winged Migration for a couple of people for Christmas. Maybe.

Ugh. Present-buying is such a pain when you're unemployed.

Lil' Trooper Went Marching

Won't be posting much this week, as I'm in a suburb of Philadelphia and far too busy hanging with my nephews. (Any of you heard of Crazy Bones? I guess they're better than Yu-Gi-Oh cards, but they're still weird.) Anyway, I will be here until at least next Sunday. This means little to nothing to most of you, Dear Readers, but it does help ET avoid spending money at Flights Of Fantasy this Saturday. If she doesn't have to swing by my neighborhood, she won't be tempted to go to the nearby SF/F bookstore and spend money she already spent at IKEA. I'm such a good friend!

side note
I really wish I'd brought my The Vision of Escaflowne box set with me, as I'm going through minor anime withdrawl symptoms. I'd forgotten how much I liked this series. So glad I bought it with my nonexistant funds!

Strange Place

(Please note that since certain complaints were made about my not posting enough, I've posted a buttload (and most of the posts are sh!t). If I happen to take a break after this, well, darn it, I think that's fine.)

That is where my head is and has been since late last night/early this morning. While doing "emergency" laundry in the wee hours, I decided to keep myself up by first watching a few episodes of The Vision of Escaflowne (I'd forgotten how much I love the opening credits song--must! have! soundtrack!), then by reading several chapters of Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson, which I'd found in one of the many boxes my sister left in my parents' basement when she moved to France.

Allen is still gorgeous anime guy (and liking Van is still nigh unto pedophilia, friend). The music is still great, the animation pretty, the mecha with cloaks and big swords nifty as hell. And I desperately need to see the film version of Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas as Johnny Depp must be perfectly cast and the wasted and tripping Hunter S. Thompson. I am very much enjoying the book in spite of the heavy drug use, as the two main characters' response heavy drug use is highly entertaining.

Bloody sponge floors. The smell of ether. Land dragons hobbling rapidly on large forelegs, dragging tiny, useless hind legs. Paranoia. Bats! Fanalia burning. People with guns. Allen's silly "knight" outfit. Debbie Reynolds in a silver Afro. The opening song to Escaflowne. A race hidden in the desert dust. Head spins. Reality grows distant. Whoops.

A Post For August 14, 2003

Found this love letter to Ann Coulter and thought you might like to read it, Dear Reader. I trust you are well aware of the leggy, blonde, and highly vocal neocon so I need not describe her any further.

The French Knights Wave Their Privates Parts At Your Aunties

California is a fucking joke. This whole "recall" of a legitimate election is ridiculous and undemocratic. However, they are Californians, and Californians are a fucking joke, with the exception of Joss Whedon (super genius!!!), Agnieszka (who is way, way smarter than I am), my brother's best friend from high school, D-- (one of the nicest people I know and practically a little sister to me), and maybe, like, ten others.

Mock. Mock, mock, mock. The rest of the nation mocks you with our monkey pants, California, especially after seeing this list of candidates for governor of California. You are a joke. Give it up. Surrender your government to a more sensible state, like Oregon. Seriously. I mean it. You're pathetic. You're obviously incapable of taking care of yourselves, so turn it in to your more reasonable neighbors further up the Pacific Coast until you prove to the rest of us that you've matured and are capable of self-governance.

The fiftieth star can be Washington, D.C. Those poor bastards actually have "Taxation Without Representation" on their license plates. They need statehood more than you do, even with their crack-smokin', whorin' mayors.

Learning Things About Myself I'd Rather Not Know

I was a little buzzed from watching good, feisty political humor on television and decided to read some blogs before I went to sleep. Actually, before I took Halberstam's The Children to my room and sat up for another hour, reading until I decided it's completely unnatural for me to be up at that hour and I really should get to bed so I can get up before one in the afternoon for once (I won't; I hardly ever do). There are a few blogs I read of people I know but who probably don't remember me as I had difficulty getting down to the Club on Thursdays back when I was working. These people write well and I wonder how their days are going and worry about them and hope they are doing well. It still feels vaguely stalkery, as I really don't know if they know who I am, but I'm hoping the roachbird reminds them. Which she may. Who knows with the roachbird.

Where was I? Ah, yes. So, I went to Sam's blog, as she is a good writer and someone who I think remembers my real name at least, though she may still have trouble with my family name (which is why my name was never on the damned SF&F Club list so's I always had to show I.D. to the guard, which was embarrassing; but then, I'm easily embarrassed). I read about Sam's long work day and ensuing fuzzy-headed morning routing, feeling very sympathetic, until I got to the ninth paragraph of the entry after which, first taking probably less than a third of a second to flash oh my god!, I laughed out loud, loud enough that my mother said, "What? What is it? There are people sleeping! Stop laughing!" I am a big meanie, aren't I. A big, mean, unsympathetic bitch-type person.

Mean, Terrible, Horrible, No-good Sugar Kat, the Incomplete Loser and Rapidly Aging Fart. Oh, and stalker. Or at least creepy. Yeah: Mean, Terrible, Horrible, No-good, Creepy Sugar Kat, the Incomplete Loser and Rapidly Aging Fart.

sigh Still. Poor Sam. This tcm kid sure as hell cracks me up, tho'.

I Have To Start Reading The Onion On A Regular Basis Again

Republicans Introduce Economic Equality Bill For Fun Of Shooting It Down
WASHINGTON, DC—Republicans in the House of Representatives proposed H.R. 2093: the Economic Equality Initiative, with the express purpose of shooting it down "just for kicks" Tuesday. "H.R. 2093 will level the economic playing field, spreading the wealth among the rich and poor," said Majority Whip Tom DeLay (R-TX), visibly fighting back snickers. "We must pass this bill to stop the fat cats from getting fatter while the average Joe struggles to make ends meet. Also, I'm the Queen of Bavaria." Following 10 minutes of uproarious laughter, the congressmen stepped out of the chamber to smoke cigars lit with a bill that would allocate $115 million to clean up hazardous waste sites.

She Went To Quizilla Again, Bob

This will probably be the Day Of Quizzes, as I wish to escape my pathetic life and Quizilla quizzes are escapism which require little thought and have no commercial interruptions, unlike AMC's showing of The Usual Suspects, a film of which I am very fond but which does not stand up to interruptions about the latest form of dust mop.

Quiz 1: What Hindu God or Goddess are you like?



Mother Sarawati is one goddess that you're like.
Saraswati means "The essence of the self."
This Goddess gives knowledge and
the wisom and strengh to become what you want
to reach. Many students or teachers may worship
this goddess in belief to gain the power of
reaching their goal. You want to reach your
goal in life and you want the strengh to
accomplish a high level of standards to be
successful. So much like Saraswati, you may be
deeply into music or art and that means you are
most like her than the rest of the Goddesses.

Quiz 2: What movie Do you Belong in?


Say Anything...

The most inaccurate quiz I took today:

Quiz 3: Which of the X-men do you resemble most?


You are Storm of the X-men!

You are strong and sweet at the same time you have
self control and have a very nurturing nature
about you. You make friends easily but keep
your enemies even closer.

The most adorable and (intentionally) funniest quiz I took today:

Quiz 4: Could you piss off Pippin?

No, and that's good. :) It's so mean to make poor Pippin upset

No, I take that back. This was the (intentionally) funniest quiz I took today, or at least the most fun:

Quiz 5: Could you piss Lord Elrond (From Lord of the Rings) off?

Congrats! You really know how to piss people off!
Tee-hee, waiting to try some of this on
unsuspecting relatives? I know I am.

You don't want to piss off Elrond, though, 'cause:

Quiz 5a: How would Lord Elrond kill you?

He's gonna smother you with your pillow while you're asleep.
Simple way of avoiding this: Don't go to sleep.

The strangest and (unintentionally) funniest quiz I took today:

Quiz 6: {For Women} Are we compatible? [Version 4.5]

Yes, we seem to very compatible. We probably have
quite a bit in common. Feel free to send me an
email at harpiesbrother@fastermail.com, even if
you aren't interested I always like to know
what results people are getting.

And the most disturbing quiz I took today, and not only because it was written by some mentally-challenged teen who only can write in "IM English":

Quiz 7: which harry potter guy would u be perfect for?

you're with harry!! he's brave and usually makes
the right choices. he'll make you feel extra
special, and he'll do anything for you. a true
leader to. but he can be a bit shy, and a bit
sensitive, but he'll give you the time of your life!

Ew! Pedophilia!

I wonder if "harpiesbrother" and Harry Potter are one and the same?

Yay! Now I Can Play Enduro!

This past Christmas, I bought my brother a Garbage Pail Kids keychain, Electric Bill, which was one of the Kids on an electric chair which lights up and buzzes when you press a certain button. Appropriate for someone working for the Texas state attorney general's office. Of late, my parents and I have been talking a great deal about the Atari game, Enduro, which was a racing game which had a very appropriate fog section which made me crash a lot. Q-Bert. Frogger. Miss Pac-Man. These were games I could hope to play well. Yeah, sure they've come out with copies of these to play on a computer, but I missed the unfortunately-named joystick which I became quite adept at handling when I was eleven years old. (There're a lot of very tasteless jokes which could be made about that. Don't.) Now, apparently, the Garbage Pail Kids and Atari are coming back to boost the sagging sales of the toy industry. Yes, I will be buying Garbage Pail Kids stickers for my nephews. I hope that they at least included Pitfall in the games package for the Atari.

How I'd Like To Waste My Time

Okay, so you all have heard about this already and have probably even participated in one, but this article is the first I'd heard of "flash mobs." I'm so unhip. I'm ossifying. I'm ancient. But, still, I want to play, too. sigh My knowing about it probably means it's now made it to the "'burbs" and is therefore "uncool" and will no longer be "done." Man, it sucks to turn thirty.

So...Tired...

I am staying up so I can get all of my nephew S--'s clothes clean so he can pack them in the morning so he's ready to fly away tomorrow afternoon. This is taking much longer than it should because S-- was at soccer camp all this past week, playing soccer in the rain, tossing his dirty soccer stuff into a plastic bag, being a twelve year old boy. His clothes had a rank funk I've never come across before in my life; a mix of pre-teen sweat and muck from muddy soccer fields and mildew from being stored, wet, in a plastic bag. A sincere and nasty funk which requires a couple of severe washings before the smell goes away. So, I am up late, Cinderelli, Cinderelli.

I was keeping myself up by reading Ha Jin's Waiting, but I got to the rape scene and the post-rape social nastiness and I found I was far too upset for this hour and could not continue to read the very good but currently disturbing book right now. How to alieviate this problem? Check out websites, naturally.

Stupidly enough, I went to RightStuf to see how many DVDs have been released of FLCL, which has won my heart--pitty-pat!--through showings on Adult Swim this past week.

There are three DVDs out, in case you were wondering, but different retailers tell me different things about boxes and which DVD the box comes with, if there's a box, that is, and if it's available, which it might not be, you know, as it might be a collector's edition, or they might not have the DVD, anyway. I even checked out DeepDiscountDVD, which, apparently, never has anything in stock, which is why their prices are so cheap. (I prefer to have retailers tell me outright if they have something before I click the "buy" button. Just seems more polite that way.) Anyway, I was stupid enough to order the somewhat more reliably guaranteed "special collector's box!" edition of the third DVD from Amazon. I refrained from buying the first and second DVDs as I was hoping DeepDiscountDVD would have them, but they didn't, so I'm at a loss, which is good, as I can't really afford to buy them, anyway.

That's not all, though, for as I was looking through RightStuf's catalogue "to see what's up," I discovered I could get Escaflowne box set for over $100 cheaper than usual through the RightStuf weekly sale. So, I bought it. With what money, you ask? Um, with the money I shall put together through the refund checks I've received over the months and SheepBoy's kind repayment of a hotel loan-thing, all of which I've yet to deposit.

I've no idea how I'll pay for the FLCL DVD.

I'm so crack-addled.

No! It's sleep deprivation! I'm tired! Soooo tiiiiirrrrrred... and my brain's been addled by the funk of my nephew's dirty soccer camp laundry. I can't help it! Mind-alterning pong and laaaate night. Yes.

Somehow I doubt this defense would work in a court of law.

Owchies!

My ears hurt! Owwwww! Swimmer's ear. Or something. Paaaaiiiiiin! Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow!